View attachment 47913
Someone made squirljak gassy porn and voiced it, then posted it on the sharty. I saw it a couple days ago and it was awful. It was a trace of the sonic and knuckles one btw.
When I saw this, my emotions were conflicted. You see, I personally find (certain types of) fetishes and sometimes their accompanying porn very... very... funny. (I will go in more depth concerning my criteria soon, don't worry) One of my favorites are the gassy stuff (For reasons I will get into after my story is done) so, I was naturally laughing my ass off, it certainly made my sharty session worthwhile. However, I was also quite disgusted, as the sonic and knuckles one, regardless of how desensitized I am, was too much for me to the point where it was offputting to look at and I had to obscure it so I could hear the rest of the gay squirrel soyjak sex talk (to laugh at the absurdity and irony of someone writing all of that) without looking at the grotesque image. The most pressing issue I had was that this was the straw that broke the camel's back for me in terms of the embarrasment and fear of being a degenerate from deriving enjoyment from such vile things that has been knawing at me for a long time now. For a long time now, I have been exposed to the sharty's discourse on this type of humor, the prevailing opinion being that if you like in any way you are probably into it sexually to at least some degree, or will be in the future if you keep consuming it. Which is what spurs me to discuss these thoughts in this thread.
Now, here is a look into my thought process into this preference in my sense of humor, and my relationship with this porn and fetish stuff. To start, I sadly have quite a history with internet porn, I found it very early and unfortunately found fetishistic live action stuff first (nothing super deplorable, your standard fare on a porn site), and went through tons of addiction to it in the majority of my teenage years. I always knew porn was wrong and perverted and always felt disgusting for engaging in it. I got caught early on in my addiction, got scolded and punished, then abstained for a few years until I was groomed by, of all things,
hentai manga pages being shared on 9gag into looking at that stuff, wich of course got me addicted to hentai and exposed me to far worse things than any IRL porn could I am still traumatized a little by the depravity of some of the things I encountered on sites like nhentai. Then, to add onto all that exposure. I was introduced to 4chan through pol at around that time as well, and being an anime and video game fan at the time, I obviously looked into /v/ and /vg/ and /vp/ etc. Any veteran of 4chan knows that these places are degenerate fetish hotspots and breeding grounds, its the main pillar of thier culture. So being a naive spineless retarded teenager I thought I my mind was impervious, and elected to remain a frequent user of these boards and just "ignore the gross stuff" (retarded, I know). Long story short, the degenerate culture and mental hardwiring was baked into my mind, I let myslef be indirectly groomed, so to say, into being desensitized to, normalized to, most of the nastiest stuff you can find on that site. Now, before you assume this is some roundabout way of me confessing I am one of the unmentionables, let me clarify. The majority of this brainwashing and conditioning I subjected myself to was through framework and associations alone, not attraction and taste. I am not a pedonecrozoorapetrannygrannygorephile etc and never was. I have a strong moral disgust for these things. What I mean to say is that I was very desensitized to these things and very familiar with them, the ammount of guilt and self hatred I experience is immense, and still gnaws at my mind to this day. From this foolishness I developed a borderline debilitating obsessive fear of being a degenerate that has been the strongest challenge in my life thus far. My psychyatrist and my research lablel it as a type of obsessive compulsive disorder. The trigger being intrusive thoughts, and the obsessive compulsion being to ruminate on them for hours on end. The thing about such OCD is that it creates a feedback loop. The more I entertain and try to iron out the thoughts by ruminating, the more fresh the things you are afraid of are in your head, and the more you are thinking about them, and your accusitory concience will read that as evience of such degeneracy being part of you. Feeding the obsession can even result in psychosomatic symptoms! For example, a habit of mentally checking if you are aroused by something you have a fear of being aroused to. If you keep thinking "does this give me a boner?" "does this make my dick twitch?" every time you see something, eventually your dick is going to twitch, as random arousal happens all the time for no reason, and then if you don't know better, you will take this as a sign, and will test yourself even more and more to prove that result, which was actually a fluke, wrong, and over time, neurons fire together and wire together, and the images that you compulsively check yourself after seeing, will become hardwired in association with the thought of arousal, and eventually, in this way, you can unwittingly teach your body to be aroused by anything, a self fufilling prophecy! The human psyche and body can become a terrible prison for your soul if you are not masterful over them.
Now, something I should've got to earlier, before people likely stopped reading and assumed I was just one of those boogeymen like zuken(ironic I mention him) who get off to telling people how fucked up they are. I tell you all of this now because I am confidently on the path of recovery from this traumatic poisoning of my mind, and unlearning the self sabotauging behavior I developed to cope with it. I have been with my psychyatrist, someone I already knew and was close to, for almost a year now, and have learned that I have made myself mentally ill, and I am being taught how to cure myself. I also am on the road of recovery from porn. Within the last 5 years or so, mostly out of my obsessive fear, but also out of my honest belief, I have made a large effort to leave porn and its degeneracy in the dust. I believe wholeheartedly, and I have mentioned it before, that porn is a corrupting influence. You are not immune to propaganda, you are not immune to conditioning, you are not immune to suggestion. The porn fetish pipeline is real. There is a reason there are so many pedophiles nowadays, a reason why 4chan is full of them, a reason why CP is spammed on websites like ours by these people. You become what you hang around with, its just how humans work, and almost anyone can become a fetishist with enough exposure from bad internet hygine and wanton porn consumption. While I believe my fears were overblown and that I was not made into a sexual degenerate by what and who I was exposed to, I believe I was in the pipeline that would logically conclude in that if I continued to self destructively remain in those spaces, and continue to convince myself that I didn't have to worry about those people rubbing off on me eventually. You will become the monster you fear if you do not respect the suggestablity of the human brain and GTFOT while you you are ahead. If you can relate to my struggle with porn, and hear my warnings, do yourself a favor and QUIT! Now I don't expect you to be able to do that so easily, so to start, dedicate yourself to wanting to quit if you have not yet. Set that goal. After that, read easy peasy method (look it up) to enlighten yourself on the mechanisms of the addiction. They say that reading that short book is enough to stop with no pain at all! I wouldn't know, I only read part of it, but just that cleared up a lot for me and gave me quite a boost in my abstaining ability. Lastly, while you are still consuming porn on your journey to the exit, do yourself a favor and use filters for degenerate tags, and better yet, find the cleanest sites you can. Its worth the effort to keep your eyes relatively undirtied.
Well, thats my story with porn. I big fat tangent of stuff I haven't told anyone else, so consider yourselves lucky, or unlucky. I never meant this thread to be like this, but I started writing and decided to tell the whole story and get it off my chest. Will this be reputational suicide? Probably, well, it depends if people read the whole thing and understand where I am coming from. I have sinned, but haven't we all? The most important thing is conquering your sins and redeeming yourself, right? A man consumed by the weight of his prior sins cannot redeem himself, and everyone is forgiven in the eyes of god, as long as they recognize their sins and repent.
