NT devlog MK2

[dd/mm/yyyy]

I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind buying some equipment for home stuff

I would go to a local gym with a membership instead of buying equipment, as although a gym in your garage sounds cool, it's more of a long-term investment rather than a short-term one.

It was a mix of genuine issues and me being dramatic

Clear up which issue is what (this will require some philosophy so ask @baqqrih or @Nihilma [doe the latter doesn't browse much due to xer college] if you get stuck). This will keep your head straight and your conscience understandable.

I'm angry at him because he refuses to try any sort of treatment for his condition and expects me to deal with it.

To grant your dad a point, you kinda have to, even if he wasn't like this. What I mean is that it's the tragedy of Being. Life has hardships, but blaming others will not solve them so you either suffer or solve them, and trust me, solving them will at the VERY least grant you the peace of mind that you are not suffering. This may sound a little far-fetched but we are not the same so perhaps this can motivate you more than it can for me. Try to fight your father and win. It may sound crazy but think about this. Your dad most likely doesn't respect you, at least not enough to consider your request to get his condition checked

Spoiler: IRRELEVANT

(perhaps there may be a legitimate 3rd party reason why he doesn't do that, but that isn't relevant)

. Unless you believe you can reason with him (try this first because violence is hec'n unwholesome and le bad), then the only way is to convince him to fight you by you badmouthing him to incite violence and beating him at his fight. Note that after you have beaten him, you definitely should remind him that you did this because he didn't do that thing you wanted him to do and you are sorry that this ever had to happen.

I'm worried that if I do "baby steps" I won't really get anywhere. A drastic change is what I need. It would be painful, but something big needs to happen for me to get in gear.

Other than never giving up when you do such baby steps, an idea is to go join the army. Those guys will kick you into shape, but it may be too extreme. Regarding your mental health professional, I would keep going from place to place until I meet one that sufficiently fulfills your mental health needs. Mental health has the potential to mog physical health, so I would highly recommend you never stop searching for a medical specialist who can help cure your sadness.


tl;dr it's bad now but if you Never Lose Your Smile and persevere through this, it will get better.


In general, I would keep 2 things in mind:
1. It's never too late for anything.
2. Faith in Christ beats all.

 

[Hagon]

although a gym in your garage sounds cool, it's more of a long-term investment rather than a short-term one.

You can do a lot with just a pullup bar and some dumbbells doebeit.

 

[dd/mm/yyyy]

You can do a lot with just a pullup bar and some dumbbells doebeit.

i don't deny this. What i do question is if it is worth it for a long term solution. ig hit up ur IRL friends first, THEN do try alternative options

 

[dd/mm/yyyy]

You can do a lot with just a pullup bar and some dumbbells doebeit.

in fact, you don't even need equipment at all. Your local park might have monkey bars there, so you can just use that instead of buying some yourself. As for other techniques, the internet might have some places where information about how to exercise certain muscles/muscle groups with nothing but just your body.

 

[X Immigrant]

I found out I can do 8 pullups recently.

 

[NT]

I would go to a local gym with a membership instead of buying equipment, as although a gym in your garage sounds cool, it's more of a long-term investment rather than a short-term one.

Yeah, I knew that was what I needed to do but I'm a SLF and don't want to work out in front of people considering I'm a stickbug. I guess I could give it a shot though, at least it's not like I'm some 600lb pig.

To grant your dad a point, you kinda have to, even if he wasn't like this. What I mean is that it's the tragedy of Being. Life has hardships, but blaming others will not solve them so you either suffer or solve them, and trust me, solving them will at the VERY least grant you the peace of mind that you are not suffering.

Right. In my case I think I need to figure out how to get on his "frequency" and communicate with him better. Negotiating would help a lot too.

This may sound a little far-fetched but we are not the same so perhaps this can motivate you more than it can for me. Try to fight your father and win. It may sound crazy but think about this. Your dad most likely doesn't respect you, at least not enough to consider your request to get his condition checked

I don't think I'll be trying that. I'm not sure if I'm taking things too literally or it's some sort of cultural difference but if I did that I'd get my ass kicked (he's 6'1 and 180lbs) and probably either put in a mental hospital or charged with some sort of crime. I've seen him nearly physically attack me and it's not something I'd like to witness ever again. I have to win this battle with words, I guess.

Other than never giving up when you do such baby steps, an idea is to go join the army. Those guys will kick you into shape, but it may be too extreme. Regarding your mental health professional, I would keep going from place to place until I meet one that sufficiently fulfills your mental health needs. Mental health has the potential to mog physical health, so I would highly recommend you never stop searching for a medical specialist who can help cure your sadness.

I've considered the military every once in a while and I don't think I'm cut out for it. Even if I did get off the meds preventing me from enlisting, I'd be a terrible soldier. It does seem appealing sometimes, though. What scares me the most is how my late grandfather never wanted to talk about his service in Vietnam. He was a very quiet man and sometimes I wonder what horrors he went through over there.

tl;dr it's bad now but if you Never Lose Your Smile and persevere through this, it will get better.

You're very right, I don't think I can go anywhere but up at this point. Progress isn't going to be instant and I'll have to put in lots of effort/do stuff I'm uncomfortable with, but it's possible.

 

[X Immigrant]

is bulking up so he'll be prepared when DonutHole tries to rape him award

 

[X Immigrant]

Why so sensitive libtard?

I want to see you turn into an Aryan beast so you can whoop his beaner ass like it's the Texas-American war again.

 

[Hagon]

is bulking up so he'll be prepared when DonutHole tries to rape him award

Is bulking up so he can rape donuthole first actually

 

[NT]

is bulking up so he'll be prepared when DonutHole tries to rape him award

I'll leave out a trail of Coca-Cola and Takis for him to the nearest construction site where he belongs.

 

[dd/mm/yyyy]

I could give it a shot though

This is the mentality you should be in btw

I've seen him nearly physically attack me and it's not something I'd like to witness ever again.

The best self-defence weapon is one you never have to use. Just the intimidation factor of you being a buff boi can convince your father to not only not attack but also to consider your position of getting help. However, even if attacking him is not your goal, getting fit so you can defend yourself should definitely be considered, especially if the scenario you mentioned happened again. Note that your dada may attack you because of your sissy nature, so both get fit and get strong mentally.

I will say this one more because you really should consider looking into it. Do something intellectual on the side instead of just simply doomscrolling thru bald man with glasses blog. Do some self-imposed mathematics problems or bible studies or anything that helps 'build the brain' (in a colloquial sense). And, again, do problems that you are just able to comprehend but still able to learn from. I would reccomend visiting this website due to its free math tool. its liek prodigy but more math and less gay art.

 

[NT]

This is the mentality you should be in btw

The best self-defence weapon is one you never have to use. Just the intimidation factor of you being a buff boi can convince your father to not only not attack but also to consider your position of getting help. However, even if attacking him is not your goal, getting fit so you can defend yourself should definitely be considered, especially if the scenario you mentioned happened again. Note that your dada may attack you because of your sissy nature, so both get fit and get strong mentally.

I will say this one more because you really should consider looking into it. Do something intellectual on the side instead of just simply doomscrolling thru bald man with glasses blog. Do some self-imposed mathematics problems or bible studies or anything that helps 'build the brain' (in a colloquial sense). And, again, do problems that you are just able to comprehend but still able to learn from. I would reccomend visiting this website due to its free math tool. its liek prodigy but more math and less gay art.

I spent some time thinking about it and realized most of my anger against him is purely a result of my own actions, if that makes sense. I just sent him a long ass paragraph via text about how I need to spend more time with him while he's here (he's in his mid 50s) and stuff like that. Most people wouldn't really consider that an achievement but this is the first time I've actually told him how I really feel. I know blaming myself for everything is just as bad as blaming others, but as time has gone on I've realized that my younger self was genuinely vile and did not care about anything.
The paragraph was apparently read by him, though he hasn't responded yet. Probably a bad time considering he's at work. This will be interesting.

 

[X Immigrant]

Did you come out to him? Is that why he's mad?

 

[X Immigrant]

Ok I wasn't trying to be mean with that question. I just know fathers sometimes don't take their son being gay very well.

 

[NT]

Did you come out to him? Is that why he's mad?

No, no. I don't think I'll ever do that. I'm mad at him and he's mad at me because of my own actions, because of how I've treated him with contempt.
I don't think I will reveal my faggotry since it simply does not matter. Like I have said many times before, I have never engaged in sodomy and I don't intend to. It is something I would like to eventually tell him about, although more in a "this is a disability you were not aware of" manner than "dad im gay i love kissing boys nyaaaa"

 

[X Immigrant]

IMO it's only a disability if you simply view humans as bags of meat that breed. I believe in God. I believe that we're more than that.

 

[baqqrih]

IMO it's only a disability if you simply view humans as bags of meat that breed. I believe in God. I believe that we're more than that.

Well, it's a habit of sin that disables him from always following God's will, therefore it is a spiritual disability as much as it is within his head a disability there, too.

 

[NT]

IMO it's only a disability if you simply view humans as bags of meat that breed. I believe in God. I believe that we're more than that.

By "disability" I meant that my homosexuality is (to me) a condition, an illness, a defect, things like that. It is something that I must realize I have no chance of curing, though I will not let myself indulge in it because of that (like a mindset of "why not? who cares?"). I have to learn to cope with it and manage it because I know deep down it's a major flaw.
However I have started to think of it as a challenge God has given me in life. He has given me many challenges, and I won't deny that I believe He has given me more than I'm comfortable with. Usually I'd whine and bitch about how that's unfair and how it's all rigged... I think I'm above that now. Being a pathetic little whiny faggot with no spine clearly didn't get me anywhere before, and it won't now.

 

[X Immigrant]

But if you don't act on it, you're still sinful? I don't mean disability like that, I mean the medical classification.

 

[X Immigrant]

I was responding to @baqqrih btw not you WNT