Schizo doedoedoes's PERSONAL blog thread (shit nobody cares about & other stuff)

ever since my girlfriend was murdered and her killer took her own life right afterwards i've been thinking more and more about ACKing
i guess ironically enough the only things preventing me from doing it are the bernd hanging jaks i don't want to look like and say that as ridiculous as it sounds
i've been having dual enrollment where my high school sends me off to a college campus 5 times a week to take classes and it's taken WAY too much of a toll on me despite the several extra hours of free time contrary to regular high school
there have been a lot of things i've thought about doing to maybe cope and ease out the pain but each "method" has way too many fucking consequences and drawbacks. i've thought about maybe taking lifting more seriously and taking roids and perhaps hope the test boosts my mood and gives me extra gains o algo
and then the other less conventional option would've been to skip classes to go to a nature reserve and unwind but i live in an urban shithole where theres no trees for at least 10 miles out
i know killing myself won't solve shit and it'll just ruin the people around me, but i know for a fact that the person i was before that happened isn't there anymore and there is only a reflection of myself
physically i'm still alive and still breathing but everyone around me noticed a huge change in demeanor and now i don't think any of my friends want to talk to me anymore because of how shitty of a mood i'm always in
even when i'm locked up in my room and able to cope with some shit like games or music or art i get rudely interrupted by my family (who, i do care about) but they're always asking me for trivial shit
"can you grab me some water" or "can you help me with _" which i always do for them but sometimes it gets aggravating when i'm looking at pictures of my late girlfriend and reading her love letters to myself and i get called by my mom to ask to borrow something
life doesn't seem to be getting better, but i can only hope at this point

tl:dr my girlfriend is dead and it sucks
You have my greatest sympathy, man. Perhaps my words are not much, especially when they're just shining at you from a screen, not even spoken with a tongue or written on paper, but, if I may tell you, I am so sorry that you're facing all of this. It sounds absolutely devastating.
 
ever since my girlfriend was murdered and her killer took her own life right afterwards i've been thinking more and more about ACKing
i guess ironically enough the only things preventing me from doing it are the bernd hanging jaks i don't want to look like and say that as ridiculous as it sounds
i've been having dual enrollment where my high school sends me off to a college campus 5 times a week to take classes and it's taken WAY too much of a toll on me despite the several extra hours of free time contrary to regular high school
there have been a lot of things i've thought about doing to maybe cope and ease out the pain but each "method" has way too many fucking consequences and drawbacks. i've thought about maybe taking lifting more seriously and taking roids and perhaps hope the test boosts my mood and gives me extra gains o algo
and then the other less conventional option would've been to skip classes to go to a nature reserve and unwind but i live in an urban shithole where theres no trees for at least 10 miles out
i know killing myself won't solve shit and it'll just ruin the people around me, but i know for a fact that the person i was before that happened isn't there anymore and there is only a reflection of myself
physically i'm still alive and still breathing but everyone around me noticed a huge change in demeanor and now i don't think any of my friends want to talk to me anymore because of how shitty of a mood i'm always in
even when i'm locked up in my room and able to cope with some shit like games or music or art i get rudely interrupted by my family (who, i do care about) but they're always asking me for trivial shit
"can you grab me some water" or "can you help me with _" which i always do for them but sometimes it gets aggravating when i'm looking at pictures of my late girlfriend and reading her love letters to myself and i get called by my mom to ask to borrow something
life doesn't seem to be getting better, but i can only hope at this point

tl:dr my girlfriend is dead and it sucks
How'd she die
 
gunshot wound
she was abducted after school at the supermarket and she called her sister so she could call the police
an amber alert was sent out but she lived 25 miles away from me so i never got it
My goodness, that's terrible. I'll keep both the souls of you and her in my prayers. You will see her in the salvation brought to us by The Lord, if that is something to look to as a light.
 
ever since my girlfriend was murdered and her killer took her own life right afterwards i've been thinking more and more about ACKing
i guess ironically enough the only things preventing me from doing it are the bernd hanging jaks i don't want to look like and say that as ridiculous as it sounds
i've been having dual enrollment where my high school sends me off to a college campus 5 times a week to take classes and it's taken WAY too much of a toll on me despite the several extra hours of free time contrary to regular high school
there have been a lot of things i've thought about doing to maybe cope and ease out the pain but each "method" has way too many fucking consequences and drawbacks. i've thought about maybe taking lifting more seriously and taking roids and perhaps hope the test boosts my mood and gives me extra gains o algo
and then the other less conventional option would've been to skip classes to go to a nature reserve and unwind but i live in an urban shithole where theres no trees for at least 10 miles out
i know killing myself won't solve shit and it'll just ruin the people around me, but i know for a fact that the person i was before that happened isn't there anymore and there is only a reflection of myself
physically i'm still alive and still breathing but everyone around me noticed a huge change in demeanor and now i don't think any of my friends want to talk to me anymore because of how shitty of a mood i'm always in
even when i'm locked up in my room and able to cope with some shit like games or music or art i get rudely interrupted by my family (who, i do care about) but they're always asking me for trivial shit
"can you grab me some water" or "can you help me with _" which i always do for them but sometimes it gets aggravating when i'm looking at pictures of my late girlfriend and reading her love letters to myself and i get called by my mom to ask to borrow something
life doesn't seem to be getting better, but i can only hope at this point

tl:dr my girlfriend is dead and it sucks
don't do test lmao
 
i don't fucking know i'm trying to find a way to be happy and i heard test increases your mood or something like that yeah
Supplements like that, or any medication, won't give you a lasting happiness, I don't believe. You can't eat your happiness to feel it with truth. You will grow a tree of happiness in your head that won't produce any fruits of joy to fall from it, you'll "feel" without "feeling", if that is a good way to put it within the restrictions of our language. Concisely, the chemicals of the head will be present, but you won't feel it in your soul. Our souls are beacons of our emotions, emotions brought to us originally by our creation in God's image. I'm not sure how religious you are, of course, so this might all sound like mumbo-jumbo, but, basically, you have to fulfill yourself through action and soulful fulfillment instead of through plain inaction and that unavailing chemical fulfillment that only resides in the head. My belief is that soulful fulfillment is found through the belief in Christ's word which then puts into your soul the Holy Spirit, which, through its energy as that of the Perfect Creator's, therefore fulfills the soul with a clear sight of goodness no matter the face of hardship that stares at the soul in anger, tearing at it but, through the Spirit, having its claws pass through the believing soul with no effect, in fruitless attempts at deception. Our lives, and mortal living, are all terrible in their form. Evil is not just within societies, but within each person, and so our reactions to present and visible evil from other souls can, through an absence of good, drive us towards further evils, like killing ourselves out of the challenge in mortal struggles. To escape this struggling life is to struggle for the immortal, instead, which leads us to the presence of good instead of its absence, as God's essence is goodness. To struggle for the immortal is to abide by the commandments of The Lord in all things, which are provided to us through the scriptures, through the words of Christ and those He guided through the Holy Spirit. To do this is, as King Solomon wrote in his own realization of this, "the whole duty of man", it is what provides us an ultimate purpose. I hope these words are of some value to you.
 
Supplements like that, or any medication, won't give you a lasting happiness, I don't believe. You can't eat your happiness to feel it with truth. You will grow a tree of happiness in your head that won't produce any fruits of joy to fall from it, you'll "feel" without "feeling", if that is a good way to put it within the restrictions of our language. Concisely, the chemicals of the head will be present, but you won't feel it in your soul. Our souls are beacons of our emotions, emotions brought to us originally by our creation in God's image. I'm not sure how religious you are, of course, so this might all sound like mumbo-jumbo, but, basically, you have to fulfill yourself through action and soulful fulfillment instead of through plain inaction and that unavailing chemical fulfillment that only resides in the head. My belief is that soulful fulfillment is found through the belief in Christ's word which then puts into your soul the Holy Spirit, which, through its energy as that of the Perfect Creator's, therefore fulfills the soul with a clear sight of goodness no matter the face of hardship that stares at the soul in anger, tearing at it but, through the Spirit, having its claws pass through the believing soul with no effect, in fruitless attempts at deception. Our lives, and mortal living, is terrible in its form. Evil is not just within societies, but within each person, and so our reactions to present and visible evil from other souls can, through an absence of good, drive us towards further evils, like killing ourselves out of the challenge in mortal struggles. To escape this struggling life is to struggle for the immortal, instead, which leads us to the presence of good instead of its absence, as God's essence is goodness. To struggle for the immortal is to abide by the commandments of The Lord in all things, which are provided to us through the scriptures, through the words of Christ and those He guided through the Holy Spirit. To do this is, as King Solomon wrote in his own realization of this, "the whole duty of man", it is what provides us an ultimate purpose. I hope these words are of some value to you.
I'm happy with no purpose albeit
 
ever since my girlfriend was murdered and her killer took her own life right afterwards i've been thinking more and more about ACKing
i guess ironically enough the only things preventing me from doing it are the bernd hanging jaks i don't want to look like and say that as ridiculous as it sounds
I feel yah brah, I was kinda in the same situation but I didn't have to urge to kms because that's stupid.

Also take all the stuff you want, your body your choice.
 
nothing interesting happened today but here's a fun story for you guys from 1-2 years ago
i was in my period 7 class (kinda just sat around and did nothing after the work was done) and this blue haired pooner xey/xem was someone i talked to not often but enough to where i knew things about her
so eventually the topic of politics come up and the issue of flags on property and i say that no flag or banner should be illegal and she's like "INCLUDING THE CONFEDERATE FLAG? THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE RACIST" (direct quote)
and i doubled down and said "yeah, doesn't matter it's defended under the first amendment plus it's not the actual confederate flag anyway"
then throughout the rest of that discussion she complained and whined that i was a "racist bigot" and that i need to "educate myself"
unfortunately i have had the displeasure of being stuck in classes with her (INCLUDING MY DEBATE CLASS) ever since and she is still fucking annoying whenever politics are brought up
not to sound like a retard using fallacy talk to discredit people but all she ever does is call people racist or nazis when she doesn't agree
"i think the death penalty should be instated in all 50 states"
"YOU RACIST NAZI WHAT ABOUT (insert black guy who got executed in the 1930s here) HOW DARE YOU WAHHHHHH"
and when she's not bitching about me being a "heckin racist incel" she interrupts me so fucking much
how do people tolerate pooners or troons it makes no fucking sense do i just need anger management classes or is everyone around me just completely used to this and this is normal
 
nothing interesting happened today but here's a fun story for you guys from 1-2 years ago
i was in my period 7 class (kinda just sat around and did nothing after the work was done) and this blue haired pooner xey/xem was someone i talked to not often but enough to where i knew things about her
so eventually the topic of politics come up and the issue of flags on property and i say that no flag or banner should be illegal and she's like "INCLUDING THE CONFEDERATE FLAG? THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE RACIST" (direct quote)
and i doubled down and said "yeah, doesn't matter it's defended under the first amendment plus it's not the actual confederate flag anyway"
then throughout the rest of that discussion she complained and whined that i was a "racist bigot" and that i need to "educate myself"
unfortunately i have had the displeasure of being stuck in classes with her (INCLUDING MY DEBATE CLASS) ever since and she is still fucking annoying whenever politics are brought up
not to sound like a retard using fallacy talk to discredit people but all she ever does is call people racist or nazis when she doesn't agree
"i think the death penalty should be instated in all 50 states"
"YOU RACIST NAZI WHAT ABOUT (insert black guy who got executed in the 1930s here) HOW DARE YOU WAHHHHHH"
and when she's not bitching about me being a "heckin racist incel" she interrupts me so fucking much
how do people tolerate pooners or troons it makes no fucking sense do i just need anger management classes or is everyone around me just completely used to this and this is normal
Find xer socials and post it here so soicacas can chud it up.
 
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