Schizo doedoedoes's PERSONAL blog thread (shit nobody cares about & other stuff)

[Fortuna]

at the hospital at the moment
hopefully things go well but they haven't called anybody yet

Did you go alone?

 

[NigKiller_Tojo]

at the hospital at the moment
hopefully things go well but they haven't called anybody yet

holy shit were the roids bad or something. this is why drugs are scary

 

[SanrioWABAG]

ever since my girlfriend was murdered and her killer took her own life right afterwards i've been thinking more and more about ACKing
i guess ironically enough the only things preventing me from doing it are the bernd hanging jaks i don't want to look like and say that as ridiculous as it sounds
i've been having dual enrollment where my high school sends me off to a college campus 5 times a week to take classes and it's taken WAY too much of a toll on me despite the several extra hours of free time contrary to regular high school
there have been a lot of things i've thought about doing to maybe cope and ease out the pain but each "method" has way too many fucking consequences and drawbacks. i've thought about maybe taking lifting more seriously and taking roids and perhaps hope the test boosts my mood and gives me extra gains o algo
and then the other less conventional option would've been to skip classes to go to a nature reserve and unwind but i live in an urban shithole where theres no trees for at least 10 miles out
i know killing myself won't solve shit and it'll just ruin the people around me, but i know for a fact that the person i was before that happened isn't there anymore and there is only a reflection of myself
physically i'm still alive and still breathing but everyone around me noticed a huge change in demeanor and now i don't think any of my friends want to talk to me anymore because of how shitty of a mood i'm always in
even when i'm locked up in my room and able to cope with some shit like games or music or art i get rudely interrupted by my family (who, i do care about) but they're always asking me for trivial shit
"can you grab me some water" or "can you help me with _" which i always do for them but sometimes it gets aggravating when i'm looking at pictures of my late girlfriend and reading her love letters to myself and i get called by my mom to ask to borrow something
life doesn't seem to be getting better, but i can only hope at this point

tl:dr my girlfriend is dead and it sucks

Hope you're okay and effectively coping with the grief.

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

Did you go alone?

no, my dad came with me

holy shit were the roids bad or something. this is why drugs are scary

the steroid I used was advertised as a safe cycle with little to no side effects and all you had to worry about was balding gyno acne and liver toxicity
it was not safe and it fucked up my heart
don't ever lay hands on any kind of steroids or SARMs until you are a fully developed adult
I know people are gonna laugh and joke telling me I'm a retard but steroids or hormone altering substances are not to be played with or taken lightly

 

[Fortuna]

no, my dad came with me

What did you tell him?

it was not safe and it fucked up my heart

Is that what the doctors said?

 

[_account]

no, my dad came with me

the steroid I used was advertised as a safe cycle with little to no side effects and all you had to worry about was balding gyno acne and liver toxicity
it was not safe and it fucked up my heart
don't ever lay hands on any kind of steroids or SARMs until you are a fully developed adult
I know people are gonna laugh and joke telling me I'm a retard but steroids or hormone altering substances are not to be played with or taken lightly

Are trying to build strength or muscle mass?

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

Are trying to build strength or muscle mass?

both but for the love of God do not do steroids

 

[NigKiller_Tojo]

no, my dad came with me

the steroid I used was advertised as a safe cycle with little to no side effects and all you had to worry about was balding gyno acne and liver toxicity
it was not safe and it fucked up my heart
don't ever lay hands on any kind of steroids or SARMs until you are a fully developed adult
I know people are gonna laugh and joke telling me I'm a retard but steroids or hormone altering substances are not to be played with or taken lightly

despite some previous disagreements with you, I hope you get better and don't have any permanent effects. shit like this is why I am always wary of drugs, even medical ones

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

What did you tell him?

Is that what the doctors said?

he doesn't know it was sarms
doctors haven't confirmed anything yet

 

[Fortuna]

he doesn't know it was sarms
doctors haven't confirmed anything yet

Did you tell the doctor?

 

[_account]

both but for the love of God do not do steroids

Muscle mass is overrated. Strength is all that really matters and there's no shortcut to building it. Take care of your body but remember, it's just temporary.

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

Did you tell the doctor?

doctors urine sampled me and I'm waiting
I don't know if it includes sarms they still haven't called me yet

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

Muscle mass is overrated. Strength is all that really matters and there's no shortcut to building it. Take care of your body but remember, it's just temporary.

thank you God bless you

 

[Fortuna]

doctors urine sampled me and I'm waiting
I don't know if it includes sarms they still haven't called me yet

You need to tell them, but you don't need to tell your dad.

Muscle mass is overrated. Strength is all that really matters and there's no shortcut to building it. Take care of your body but remember, it's just temporary.

My body is all I have. That being said, it's not much. I guess I have my mind too; I like my mind.

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

You need to tell them, but you don't need to tell your dad.

I need to do that as soon as they call me

 

[_account]

I need to do that as soon as they call me

Can you buy raw milk where you live?

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

UPDATE FOR THOSE INTERESTED IR CONCERNED
I HAVE BEEN DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL
I HAVE NO HEART OR CARDIOVASCULAR PROBLEMS AND THE DOCTORS MADE THE VERDICT THAT I HAD A SEVERE ANXIETY ATTACK
I AM NOW GETTING ANXIETY MEDICATION
NO MORE HEALTH SCARES!!!

 

[Fortuna]

UPDATE FOR THOSE INTERESTED IR CONCERNED
I HAVE BEEN DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL
I HAVE NO HEART OR CARDIOVASCULAR PROBLEMS AND THE DOCTORS MADE THE VERDICT THAT I HAD A SEVERE ANXIETY ATTACK
I AM NOW GETTING ANXIETY MEDICATION
NO MORE HEALTH SCARES!!!

Sounds like it might have been partially my fault then. I'm sorry.

 

[_account]

UPDATE FOR THOSE INTERESTED IR CONCERNED
I HAVE BEEN DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL
I HAVE NO HEART OR CARDIOVASCULAR PROBLEMS AND THE DOCTORS MADE THE VERDICT THAT I HAD A SEVERE ANXIETY ATTACK
I AM NOW GETTING ANXIETY MEDICATION
NO MORE HEALTH SCARES!!!

PHEW

 

[doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe]

Sounds like it might have been partially my fault then. I'm sorry.

wasn't necessarily your doing, more of my parents yelling at me before we went to the hospital
all is well though, thank you for being here it means a lot