Schloggers go hiking

greg said:
I jump onto Connor Howard and start ripping the skin off xis face, like a feral chimp.

"I DON'T WANT 'P!!!!!!!!![angry]"
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doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe said:
Both. :rape:
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Greg immediately sucker punches Connor Howard in the face.

"SAAAR WHY YOU DO THIS SAAR YOU'RE OBSESSED SAAAAR WHY SAAAR!!!", Connor screams as his struggles to lift himself off the ground, his glasses shattered into 6 million pieces by the force of Greg's punch.

Immediately, Greg jumps 2 metres into the air and lands right on top of Connor's chest.

A bloody, brutal massacre is about to begin.

Greg digs his fingers into Connor's face and begins furiously ripping the skin, flesh, cartilage and fat from Connor's face like a feral chimp hooked on methamphetamine and steroids. Screaming "I DON'T WANT 'P" at the top of his lungs for 5 minutes straight, Connor's face is now nothing but a broken, gory mess bones, blood and flesh.

Meanwhile, doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe drops his hiking pack on the ground. The confused glownigger points his MAC-10 at him and asks: "SHIEET CRACKA, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HU-".

Unfortunately for the glownigger, doe had already unzipped his pants and leaped into the air, landing on top of the glownigger and ripping its pants apart.

The Schloggers had seen a lot of things on the internet. But this was the first time that they saw a federal agent glownigger cry and scream in mercy as doedoedoedoedoedoedoedoe furiously raped it until its ass begin profusely bleeding.
Doe then got up and began running towards the direction of Coaloni, kicking up dust behind him.

I have no idea why doe would do this, but as Greg went to take a brap in a nearby public toilet, doe raped the dead, lifeless carcass of Connor Howard.
 
Twostripe said:
>sv_cheats 1
>notarget
Schlogsissies... Why is this so easy?
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Twostripe opens the command prompt and attempts to enable cheats, however a giant hand reaches down from the heavens and grabs him.

Twostripe sees the face of Sino.

"CHEATS. ARE. NOT. ALLOWED. YOU. GAY. FUCKING. NIGGER!

The hand gently places Twostripe back down on the ground.
 
KingofTheRing said:
I’ve three days to kill in some forest full of rapists.
I’ll collect some loose wood and moss with the intent on making some sort of roof over my head until the days are up, as if I move around too much I only increase the chances of getting raped and caught.
Would I have anything in the bag that might help with collecting wood?
Like an axe or something?
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KingofTheRing decides to brutally murder all the rapists in the forest like the gigachat he is.

Luckily for him, he had packed an axe in his hiking pack for no reason at all before, it now had a use.

KingofTheRing spent around two hours cutting down trees and gathering loose pieces of moss and sticks, it's quite a miracle how he managed to build a shelter all by himself in a rapist forest.
 
SINO said:
Twostripe opens the command prompt and attempts to enable cheats, however a giant hand reaches down from the heavens and grabs him.

Twostripe sees the face of Sino.

"CHEATS. ARE. NOT. ALLOWED. YOU. GAY. FUCKING. NIGGER!

The hand gently places Twostripe back down on the ground.
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Okay... ch_summonairboat then?
 
Donald McDonald said:
I decide to cautiously wander through Jartycuck city to see what it's like, armed with an 870 of course
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Donald McDonald decides to leave the Schloggers to visit the heckin hustle and bustle of the big city (Jartycuck City).

Unbothered and uninterested with the natural scenery of Ohionigger National Park, Donald enters the gates of Jartycuck City.

Despite being vantablack, obese and smelling like shit, the residents are surprisingly friendly if you give them takis and coca cola. However nothing appeases them more than a 12 gauge shotgun shell that bursts their heads open.

Donald's massacare of jartycucks at the city gates soon caught the attention of the local 'Police department, who begin deploying dozens of Jartycops against Donald.
 
This thread reminds me of the time I went hiking with my friends in northern Ontario. We were sitting by a massive cliff and throwing rocks off of it. We didn't know this, but some guy was climbing the cliff and one of the rocks I threw hit him in the head.
 
SINO said:
Donald McDonald decides to leave the Schloggers to visit the heckin hustle and bustle of the big city (Jartycuck City).

Unbothered and uninterested with the natural scenery of Ohionigger National Park, Donald enters the gates of Jartycuck City.

Despite being vantablack, obese and smelling like shit, the residents are surprisingly friendly if you give them takis and coca cola. However nothing appeases them more than a 12 gauge shotgun shell that bursts their heads open.

Donald's massacare of jartycucks at the city gates soon caught the attention of the local 'Police department, who begin deploying dozens of Jartycops against Donald.
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I hack into one of the billboard signs and play 'P on it to lure and distract everycuck away from the scene so I can make a heccin escape, I jack a car and drive far out of the city
 
SINO said:
KingofTheRing decides to brutally murder all the rapists in the forest like the gigachat he is.

Luckily for him, he had packed an axe in his hiking pack for no reason at all before, it now had a use.

KingofTheRing spent around two hours cutting down trees and gathering loose pieces of moss and sticks, it's quite a miracle how he managed to build a shelter all by himself in a rapist forest.
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I suppose I'll stay comfy in my shelter for the time being.
I should have enough food and water to last but if anyone walks past my shelter they're getting killed though.
 
SINO said:
Due to a set of unknown circumstances and very lucky coincidences, nearly all users of soyjak.blog are on a hike in Ohionigger National Park in Burundi.
However, although the breathtaking natural environment is very /calm/ing and beautiful saaar, there are rumours of cryptids like the "Shitogre" and the "Brapsilsaurus Rapes" which inhabit the area and fill it with ESL braps

What will you do on the hike, what will happen?
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Practice magic spells
 
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