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(#E1E5F6)[#000000]lifesucksthenyoudie
On July 13, 2024, Sematary woke up uncharacteristically early at 3:30 PM. Today was a big day for him. Sematary’s dad, who got rich off scoring a bunch of Soytendo movies, arranged a rally for him at Butler, Pennsylvania. Sematary didn’t really want to do this. The people of this town weren’t valid plus sized black trans queens like the people back in his blue state shithole, but Sematary’s dad promised to buy him a pre-owned Mercedes-Benz EQE sedan and as much Jack Daniels whiskey as he wants, so he begrudgingly agreed to do it.
Sematary then got out of bed, took a shower… oh who the fuck am I kidding of course he didn’t take a shower. He did, however, enjoy a heart breakfast of a couple benzos he found underneath the fridge, which he washed down with the last remaining bottle of Fireball whiskey. After all that he stumbled into the 2018 BMW 7 Series that his dad rented just for this event. On the way there, Sematary made some important phone calls, such as yelling at his gay lovers in his Haunted Mound clique for liking an Instagram post that may have had a hidden encoded reference to his “opps” without his permission.
The rally had a modest crowd. Most of the attendees were paid off by Sematary’s dad, but there were a few people, if you could believe it, that unironically enjoyed his drivel and were attending just to see him. This difference mattered little to Sematary, for he didn’t respect any of them anyway. However, there was one individual in this crowd who didn’t match either category. His name was Joseph “jxxyy” Green, an up and coming rapper in the underground scene and Sematary’s greatest opp. As a champion for trans rights and drag queen storytime hours at local libraries nationwide, Sematary was horrified by the definitely reliable testimony of a mentally unwell tranny who said that Joeyy didn’t think transgenders were real. The nerve of him! He might as well as raped and murdered xher. He was also associated with Sam Hyde, an evil white supremacist, Trump voting Tucker Carlson watching Nazi and incel who has repeatedly threatened the life of Sematary’s idol Hasan Piker. Sematary knew he had to make a stand. He even made a stunning and brave statement in a local news publication that if he ever saw Joeyy, it was “on sight.” There was a catch though… Sematary was deathly afraid of him. You see, Sematary was a little bitch who got bullied a lot in school, likely due to how insufferable he was. All he had was his father’s riches, which he burned to be a Z-list rapper in the underground scene. Joeyy reminded him of the popular kids in his school. Joeyy had a certain charisma, a certain confidence, a certain aura if you will. This intimidated Sematary, and Joeyy knew it.
Meanwhile, Troonella was making it up a nearby rooftop. Xhe knew that Joeyy would be arriving at the Sematary rally, and now would be xher chance to kill him. The 12 hour climb up the 15 foot building had been draining on xher. As xhe spends most of xher time on xher SecretLabs gaming chair eating Doritos, creating slopjaks for SoyBooru, and masturbating to BLACKED Raw on xher Gentoo GNU/Linux battlestation, xhe wasn’t used to the physical activity needed for such a task. Xhe got into position and took out xher sniper rifle that xhe obtained from an illegal Mexican in return for some sexual favors.
Sematary was sweating buckets, not so much because he wanted to disappoint the audience who went out of their way to see him, but because Joeyy was there. Joeyy was unpredictable. Who knows what he could be doing, one moment he could be waiting for a bus, the next he could be genociding 1300 Palestinian children. Sematary wanted to run, but he knew there was no turning back. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Soon, the first words of the rally came out, but not from him.
“Yo Sematary… turn around man. You gotta turn around.”
Eagle-eyed as ever, Joeyy saw Troonella in prone on the rooftops. Not realizing that the xhe was gunning for him (Troonella just looked like any normal obese man from a distance), Joeyy was trying to warn Sematary that he was about to get shot. They might not have ever been on the best of terms, but Joeyy never truly wanted Sematary to be killed.
However, Sematary didn’t see it that way. He didn’t realize that not everyone was as angry and hate-filled as him, so he ignored him. Sematary began to sweat harder. Joeyy’s pleads for him to turn around grew even louder. Finally, Troonella figured out how to load xher gun. Outside of masturbation, the only experience xhe had ever had with shooting projectiles was when xhe was throwing ring bombs as Tails in Sonic 06, and even then xhe often got too distracted by xher imagination going wild to the thought of Tails getting pegged by a futa version of Rouge the Bat. Xhe pulled the trigger.
As xhe has literally no experience with shooting a gun, xher shot missed by Joeyy by a long shot. Instead, it went towards Sematary, piercing him in the middle of his forehead. Sematary’s body lifelessly slumped onto the podium. Troonella tried to load another shot, but the retired CIA countersniper that Sematary’s dad hired realized what was going on, stopped gooning to ‘p on his phone and fired at Troonella, killing xher instantly.
Later that night at the hospital, Sematary’s dad had a chat with the coroner. Sematary’s dad was mildly upset over the loss of his retarded son, but no tears could be seen on his face. “You know”, the coroner said, “It didn’t have to end up like this. The bullet could have easily just grazed his ear, leaving him with minor injuries. All he had to do was turn around.”
Sematary then got out of bed, took a shower… oh who the fuck am I kidding of course he didn’t take a shower. He did, however, enjoy a heart breakfast of a couple benzos he found underneath the fridge, which he washed down with the last remaining bottle of Fireball whiskey. After all that he stumbled into the 2018 BMW 7 Series that his dad rented just for this event. On the way there, Sematary made some important phone calls, such as yelling at his gay lovers in his Haunted Mound clique for liking an Instagram post that may have had a hidden encoded reference to his “opps” without his permission.
The rally had a modest crowd. Most of the attendees were paid off by Sematary’s dad, but there were a few people, if you could believe it, that unironically enjoyed his drivel and were attending just to see him. This difference mattered little to Sematary, for he didn’t respect any of them anyway. However, there was one individual in this crowd who didn’t match either category. His name was Joseph “jxxyy” Green, an up and coming rapper in the underground scene and Sematary’s greatest opp. As a champion for trans rights and drag queen storytime hours at local libraries nationwide, Sematary was horrified by the definitely reliable testimony of a mentally unwell tranny who said that Joeyy didn’t think transgenders were real. The nerve of him! He might as well as raped and murdered xher. He was also associated with Sam Hyde, an evil white supremacist, Trump voting Tucker Carlson watching Nazi and incel who has repeatedly threatened the life of Sematary’s idol Hasan Piker. Sematary knew he had to make a stand. He even made a stunning and brave statement in a local news publication that if he ever saw Joeyy, it was “on sight.” There was a catch though… Sematary was deathly afraid of him. You see, Sematary was a little bitch who got bullied a lot in school, likely due to how insufferable he was. All he had was his father’s riches, which he burned to be a Z-list rapper in the underground scene. Joeyy reminded him of the popular kids in his school. Joeyy had a certain charisma, a certain confidence, a certain aura if you will. This intimidated Sematary, and Joeyy knew it.
Meanwhile, Troonella was making it up a nearby rooftop. Xhe knew that Joeyy would be arriving at the Sematary rally, and now would be xher chance to kill him. The 12 hour climb up the 15 foot building had been draining on xher. As xhe spends most of xher time on xher SecretLabs gaming chair eating Doritos, creating slopjaks for SoyBooru, and masturbating to BLACKED Raw on xher Gentoo GNU/Linux battlestation, xhe wasn’t used to the physical activity needed for such a task. Xhe got into position and took out xher sniper rifle that xhe obtained from an illegal Mexican in return for some sexual favors.
Sematary was sweating buckets, not so much because he wanted to disappoint the audience who went out of their way to see him, but because Joeyy was there. Joeyy was unpredictable. Who knows what he could be doing, one moment he could be waiting for a bus, the next he could be genociding 1300 Palestinian children. Sematary wanted to run, but he knew there was no turning back. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Soon, the first words of the rally came out, but not from him.
“Yo Sematary… turn around man. You gotta turn around.”
Eagle-eyed as ever, Joeyy saw Troonella in prone on the rooftops. Not realizing that the xhe was gunning for him (Troonella just looked like any normal obese man from a distance), Joeyy was trying to warn Sematary that he was about to get shot. They might not have ever been on the best of terms, but Joeyy never truly wanted Sematary to be killed.
However, Sematary didn’t see it that way. He didn’t realize that not everyone was as angry and hate-filled as him, so he ignored him. Sematary began to sweat harder. Joeyy’s pleads for him to turn around grew even louder. Finally, Troonella figured out how to load xher gun. Outside of masturbation, the only experience xhe had ever had with shooting projectiles was when xhe was throwing ring bombs as Tails in Sonic 06, and even then xhe often got too distracted by xher imagination going wild to the thought of Tails getting pegged by a futa version of Rouge the Bat. Xhe pulled the trigger.
As xhe has literally no experience with shooting a gun, xher shot missed by Joeyy by a long shot. Instead, it went towards Sematary, piercing him in the middle of his forehead. Sematary’s body lifelessly slumped onto the podium. Troonella tried to load another shot, but the retired CIA countersniper that Sematary’s dad hired realized what was going on, stopped gooning to ‘p on his phone and fired at Troonella, killing xher instantly.
Later that night at the hospital, Sematary’s dad had a chat with the coroner. Sematary’s dad was mildly upset over the loss of his retarded son, but no tears could be seen on his face. “You know”, the coroner said, “It didn’t have to end up like this. The bullet could have easily just grazed his ear, leaving him with minor injuries. All he had to do was turn around.”
