TLDR: im autistic asexual volcel so i will never understand the concept of love or incels
im austic so idk if my brain works differently but ive never ever had the need for a gf ever. i've been friends with girls but i've never really wanted a gf. sometimes me saying that i do usually came from a place of loneliness, e.g having no friends and community and me not understanding what a gf actually is as a concept. i wouldn't mind being friends with a girl that is exactly like me but i dont really see the point in doing so, and i don't see the point in relationships or sex or anything like that. sometimes i do think i wouldnt mind sharing moments of intimacy with a girl like hugging or maybe even kissing but i never feel like a relationship is necessary. i feel like the grape falls not too far from the vine, because my dad is not the best person when it comes to relationships. 99% of his time is spent just watching football and doing adhd ocd things like screaming at people for not eating their food because it will lose 1 degree celsius. he always seems to not care, but i suppose he just likes the relationships for the sex and nothing else. the more i think about my dad the more i think he might have had apsergers and it would make a lot of sense. our whole family is just a big pile of autism. however, i'll take the conversation back to me now.
over a period of time i've managed to isolate and locate a problem within me and that problem is the lack of community, having a community just makes me feel better about myself as a person, it gives me a sense of purpose and belonging in life. that's all i've ever wanted. finding community in real life is challenging, but on the internet, i suppose it's easy. i kind of wish i had found the soysphere earlier, but very strangely, things lined up for me in a very unique way. not even a few days after i turned 18, i discovered 4chan. i found 4chan to be not so pleasant as it's community is very interested in one thing and one thing only and that's porn, everywhere you go its just barely covered titties and anime ass and i don't appreciate it.
so naturally i found the soysphere. to this day, i think it's such a silly name for such a great community, but it's probably one of the best underground zoomer sites out there compared to all of the normie shit. as an autistic person, i've always had a very unique world view and never really fit into greater society, i've always longed for somewhere that would provide me with a sense of belonging, and the soysphere is just filled with people who hold good morals and values and are also young and have a lot of opinions which i agree with. I would consider myself somewhat of a volcel, but personally, the incel stuff is what makes me a little concerned.
I don't think people should hate women, but I feel like being a volcel is a better path to go down. Idk if its technically incelism, but I personally just don't want anything to do with women in any kind of relationship dating capacity. i also just don't care about gender, unless it comes to trannies, in which case my amygdala starts leaking and i go monkey mode. but i've never truly been able to understand UNDERSTAND the concept of love. UGH. and I don't know if I want to. Like I said, all I want is community. But I wouldn't mind trying to help understand myself as a person a lot more and why I am the way I am, why I'm going down the path I'm going down and what I can do for people. I wouldn't say I'm asexual, because it's just complicated for me. I'm straight, but I don't really feel the same attractions as people do towards other people and nothing is even really sexually attractive to me either, alot of this would sort of indicate I must be some sort of aromantic asexual volcel or something, but, I'm just not too sure about that. But hey, I guess me and sparkles and bond over something I guess.