Autism My Screenplay For A Madeup Cartoon Show: Episode One

[ISTANBUL]

BLOCKY
Screw you, and you know what? I'm
going to become a pilot! No more
feeling useless because I'll show the
world the powers of fast
transportation!

Sorry, I don't really see the logic behind it. Dude wants to become a pilot to prove something no one had doubts on because he was scammed (???)

Also weren't you set on, like, trying to drive soyteen liker off the site or something? You broke character, sis

 

[terrycrews]

Also weren't you set on, like, trying to drive soyteen liker off the site or something? You broke character, sis

Yes why

 

[ISTANBUL]

Yes why

Had a change of heart?

 

[terrycrews]

Had a change of heart?

No

 

[Soyteen Liker]

Sorry, I don't really see the logic behind it. Dude wants to become a pilot to prove something no one had doubts on because he was scammed (???)

Sort of. Blocky feels like a blockhead because he got scammed so he feels like he should do something impressive and being a pilot was what he thought of first because he's more of the scatterbrained type. I don't think it needs to be straightforward because he isn't.

Is this just a sonichu-esque fantasy with Chip as your self insert? It reads like something 10-year-old me would write.

If I were to self insert I'd do it as a boy

I have a lot to say about this but I feel like you will just write off everything I say

You can be constructive, I just find it difficult to take other people's words into account. Nothing personal

 

[terrycrews]

Sort of. Blocky feels like a blockhead because he got scammed so he feels like he should do something impressive and being a pilot was what he thought of first because he's more of the scatterbrained type. I don't think it needs to be straightforward because he isn't.

It feels loosely connected. There is no character development at all for a first episode, you're literally diving straight in and he's already getting scammed. The dialogue seems very forced and unrealistic.
He says
Hey, did you know I have a friend
named Sticky who likes collecting
coins?
But that seems totally unrelated to me, because it's a total non-sequitur. He just brings it up randomly to some lady because he saw a coin?
Maybe if it was a rare coin he saw, he could say "Wow, that's a rare coin, are you sure you wanna give me that dude? I have a friend who loves collecting coins."

 

[terrycrews]

To be totally honest it feels like you put no thought into it and just wrote whatever came to your mind without even drafting anything

 

[terrycrews]

Don't use that react with me miss you know very well that I'm fucking right your dialogue has no effort in it at all

 

[ISTANBUL]

I'm with Teresa on this one honestly

 

[Hagon]

how long did this take you to write? in hours I mean.

 

[Soyteen Liker]

how long did this take you to write? in hours I mean.

I don't remember, I've been writing it on and off for months I think.

 

[sodack]

>The premise for episode 1 is that Blocky (the pizza guy) feels like a blockhead for getting scammed, so he decides to become a pilot... in a video game!
I fail to see how one thing leads to the other

He is going to hit the towers