Rant How do I free myself from literal faggotry and start a new life?

A

ArmaLite

Guest
I can't believe I've dug myself into this hole. To be clear: I have NOT had sex in any form with anyone (male or female) and that's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.
Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.
That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.
Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.
 
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Canadian said:
Getting a job would definitely help. Also try to get invested in a hobby like making music, programing, drawing (although probably not that one because porn), painting, reading, history, singing, chess, poker, comics, magic, whatever. There is a lot of free shit out on the internet.
Just find something you can obsess over that isn't porn or related to porn.

And if you HAVE to coom, watch straight porn. Either it will turn you off and you won't coom, or it will make your thoughts less gay at the very least. Although not cooming at all is best.

The most important thing is DONT GIVE IN. Most faggots started out as normal but were groomed one day and then realized it would be easier to seek out acceptance from their fellow fags then to self improve. No matter how bad it gets, you haven't lost until you accept this path. Don't embrace your fetishes and don't ropemax either. You have to find the middle ground between acknowledging your flaws and recognizing your sins while also not giving in to self-hatred.
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>watch straight porn
No, you need to completly ditch porn all together. You don't need it, and you're not getting ANYTHING out of it. Just read easypeasy and you'll be greatfull to yourself you made the decision to quit porn.
 
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Circle88 said:
>watch straight porn
No, you need to completly ditch porn all together. You don't need it, and you're not getting ANYTHING out of it. Just read easypeasy and you'll be greatfull to yourself you made the decision to quit porn.
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I agree in theory, but what I am saying that if he can't stop himself from cooming at all, at least straight porn will stop him from turning into a discord pedophile.
 
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Aristocrat said:
Stop jerking off, never look at porn again, talk to a normal girl and everything will be alright
Click to expand...
To add to this, OP, talking to women IRL (not going as radical as exclusively having only them as your friends of course, but just finding some to speak with every now and then who aren't crazy like that oriental reprobate who groomed you) does really help to straighten your mind out away from the internet and the girls you might find on there. I mentioned one particular lady in this guy's incel thread on here I think earlier today, but there's this girl in a class I have who I have a bit of a crush on, and just the simple act of being her friend by sitting next to her in class has given me enough genuine, natural joy (that seems to stem naturally in one's head from speaking to the opposite sex) that it gives me enough satisfaction that I don't even feel as much of any lustful feelings like I used to, the sheer delight from conversing with her overpowering those feelings that would usually come about when I was then sitting at home in the evening, lazing around. Similarly, with you struggling with this homosexuality, finding proper women to talk to might not only provide you with that joy, but it may also get you to program yourself back into finding them cute or attractive. I'm young and inexperienced, and not even as old as you, so I really don't know where you'd find friends besides at school because of my inexperience, yet I think you are old enough to figure out where to find a lady to talk with, so I'll leave that to you.
 
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DOLL said:
Get off of sites where freaks reside or off the internet entirely. No social media or ways for people to contact you that you don't know has been a real blessing. Then get a job, get pissed off as long as you want to at stuff that doesn't matter, come home and relax, and eventually all the anger fades away.
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doll how big is your BBC?
 
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Canadian said:
Getting a job would definitely help. Also try to get invested in a hobby like making music, programing, drawing (although probably not that one because porn), painting, reading, history, singing, chess, poker, comics, magic, whatever. There is a lot of free shit out on the internet.
Just find something you can obsess over that isn't porn or related to porn.

And if you HAVE to coom, watch straight porn. Either it will turn you off and you won't coom, or it will make your thoughts less gay at the very least. Although not cooming at all is best.

The most important thing is DONT GIVE IN. Most faggots started out as normal but were groomed one day and then realized it would be easier to seek out acceptance from their fellow fags then to self improve. No matter how bad it gets, you haven't lost until you accept this path. Don't embrace your fetishes and don't ropemax either. You have to find the middle ground between acknowledging your flaws and recognizing your sins while also not giving in to self-hatred.
Click to expand...
Right. The only reason I'm a little nervous about getting a job is that I'm lazy as shit. Not like "too lazy to eat" tier lazy, but it's up there. Will have to work on that.
I really do need to stop cooming. I just do it when I get bored and I feel like shit afterward. Today I'm probably gonna leave the last remaining fag 'cord servers I'm in (sadly can't delete my account because my singular IRL friend uses it)
Aristocrat said:
Stop jerking off, never look at porn again, talk to a normal girl and everything will be alright
Click to expand...
I just can't stand being around girls. There are a few exceptions every now and then, but most of them are the same. I go to a high school with a class divide (it's in a ritzy neighborhood, but rural area kids also go there) and being in the middle of the pack in terms of wealth makes it hard in a way. The last girl I genuinely enjoyed talking to was a FTM pooner I met in a mental hospital.
Aristocrat said:
Also, if you need a hobby try lifting weights
Seems hard at first but becomes good fun rather quickly
Click to expand...
I'll look into that. I'm scrawny as fuck.
baqqrih said:
To add to this, OP, talking to women IRL (not going as radical as exclusively having only them as your friends of course, but just finding some to speak with every now and then who aren't crazy like that oriental reprobate who groomed you) does really help to straighten your mind out away from the internet and the girls you might find on there. I mentioned one particular lady in this guy's incel thread on here I think earlier today, but there's this girl in a class I have who I have a bit of a crush on, and just the simple act of being her friend by sitting next to her in class has given me enough genuine, natural joy (that seems to stem naturally in one's head from speaking to the opposite sex) that it gives me enough satisfaction that I don't even feel as much of any lustful feelings like I used to, the sheer delight from conversing with her overpowering those feelings that would usually come about when I was then sitting at home in the evening, lazing around. Similarly, with you struggling with this homosexuality, finding proper women to talk to might not only provide you with that joy, but it may also get you to program yourself back into finding them cute or attractive. I'm young and inexperienced, and not even as old as you, so I really don't know where you'd find friends besides at school because of my inexperience, yet I think you are old enough to figure out where to find a lady to talk with, so I'll leave that to you.
Click to expand...
I agree with you. I just can't seem to find girls I like talking to. That pooner girl I mentioned? She proved that I was able to get along with women, but of course she was a pooner and that makes things weird because pooners are mentally ill and want to be men. Still somewhat gives me hope. What I can say is that I won't be looking for foids online anymore.
 
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cortex257 said:
I just can't stand being around girls. There are a few exceptions every now and then, but most of them are the same. I go to a high school with a class divide (it's in a ritzy neighborhood, but rural area kids also go there) and being in the middle of the pack in terms of wealth makes it hard in a way. The last girl I genuinely enjoyed talking to was a FTM pooner I met in a mental hospital.

I agree with you. I just can't seem to find girls I like talking to. That pooner girl I mentioned? She proved that I was able to get along with women, but of course she was a pooner and that makes things weird because pooners are mentally ill and want to be men. Still somewhat gives me hope. What I can say is that I won't be looking for foids online anymore.
Click to expand...
Could this problem with women be due to an earlier experience with women that put you in bad terms with them ? I mean obviously there's this one case.
What does the idea of talking or making friends with girls make you feel ? How would you feel if you had right now to spend time and become friends with a grouo of only girls ?
I know that in some cases for example, fear of women due to fear of rejection can happen. In other cases, it's fear of shame. In your case i may be something different tho, or nothing at all.
 
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Nihilma said:
Could this problem with women be due to an earlier experience with women that put you in bad terms with them ? I mean obviously there's this one case.
What does the idea of talking or making friends with girls make you feel ? How would you feel if you had right now to spend time and become friends with a grouo of only girls ?
I know that in some cases for example, fear of women due to fear of rejection can happen. In other cases, it's fear of shame. In your case i may be something different tho, or nothing at all.
Click to expand...
I've never really been treated well by them. Growing up they always saw me as weird and creepy. I did have a bit of a "glow-up" during my early years of high school but they still don't seem to like me. Probably because of my mild autism. To be clear, I've never even attempted to really talk to one at school out of fear that I'd get reported or some shit. You know how some autists are completely unaware of how retarded and weird they are? That used to be me, but now I'm the exact opposite. I literally sit outside the classroom with most of my classes because I feel like people are always staring at me and bitching about how retarded I am. Even a few positive interactions (with my male classmates) haven't changed this. Basically I was treated like shit and now I guard myself behind mental 30 feet concrete walls even though I've changed vastly.
 
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cortex257 said:
I've never really been treated well by them. Growing up they always saw me as weird and creepy. I did have a bit of a "glow-up" during my early years of high school but they still don't seem to like me. Probably because of my mild autism. To be clear, I've never even attempted to really talk to one at school out of fear that I'd get reported or some shit. You know how some autists are completely unaware of how retarded and weird they are? That used to be me, but now I'm the exact opposite. I literally sit outside the classroom with most of my classes because I feel like people are always staring at me and bitching about how retarded I am. Even a few positive interactions (with my male classmates) haven't changed this. Basically I was treated like shit and now I guard myself behind mental 30 feet concrete walls even though I've changed vastly.
Click to expand...
I think this might be a good thing to work on geg
 
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Nihilma said:
I think this might be a good thing to work on geg
Click to expand...
Fair. Also here's proof that I left all of the niggercord servers I'm in. Ideally I'd delete my account, but my friend hates using SMS and he won't budge.
1000001258.png
 
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