Rant How do I free myself from literal faggotry and start a new life?

[ArmaLite]

I can't believe I've dug myself into this hole. To be clear: I have NOT had sex in any form with anyone (male or female) and that's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.

---

Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.

---

That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.

---

Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.

 

[Konata]

...............................Faggot.

 

[Nihilma]

I can't believe I've dug myself into this hole. To be clear: I have NOT had sex in any form with anyone (male or female) and that's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.

---

Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.

---

That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.

---

Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.

how old are you now ?

 

[ArmaLite]

how old are you now ?

18, my birthday was in Q3 of last year.

 

[ArmaLite]

If you are interested in that stuff without being brain-fried by porn you might just be into men naturally and regardless of what you do (celibate or not) there isn't anything wrong with that

It just feels so wrong though. My parents always talk about me having a wife kids and a fucking white picket fence and I feel like I want to die. My last name might die with me.

 

[Nihilma]

18, my birthday was in Q3 of last year.

You should be fine.
You're still a teenager.
What's great about your case is that you know how you came to be this way, but if you know of an older trauma that might also have caused this or added onto this, try to put clear words on it.
Basically, everything you do is a reaction to something, usually a need, but it might also be a defense mechanism. And during the separation-individuation process of teenagehood, you are the most vulnerable since you are a "virgin" mind that needs to be molded into an adult. In a way this phase is in no way representative of what you are going to be, and you need to understand that you can bend your will to what you want to be as of right now still.

It will require a lot of will, and will be hard, but you can achieve this. I don't wanna go into details but I've been a similar case to you, even started at the same age. But I didn't wanted to be that, and I knew of why I became like that. So in short, try to fix the root problem, the reason why you became what you became. If it is affection you lack, try finding it in a better place. if it is fear of yourself or fear of your future or a lack of a protective figure, find another one. You get it.
And regarding gooning, that's just hard work, and constant trial, no matter how much and how hard you fail.

 

[Canadian]

I can't believe I've dug myself into this hole. To be clear: I have NOT had sex in any form with anyone (male or female) and that's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.

---

Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.

---

That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.

---

Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.

Here is my advice for someone who was almost groomed by furries and trannies as a kid.
Cooming sucks in general.
My best bet is that you should rewire your brain to coom less, and if you do coom, coom to more normal shit.
Stop watching femboy shit, stop looking at gay shit, and stop thinking about gay shit.
The first step is to just avoid any situation where you can coom. Spend more time outside, in public, and when you are at home, make sure to keep busy so you can't coom.
If you do find the urge to coom, try to distract yourself with video games, youtube, tictoc, whatever. Just stop thinking about it and eventually it will go away. That's how I avoided becoming a furry faggot.

If for some reason you feel the need to coom and you can't avoid it. Watch only "normal" straight porn. Either you will get bored and no longer want to coom, or you will rewire your brain to enjoy more "normal" porn.

Never watch any gay shit, and never look at any femboy shit either. Don't even think about it. If you normaly just coom to you thoughts and you can't control them for some reason, then look up "normal" porn to distract you (or ideally, just don't coom at all).

Most importantly, don't feel bad about the past. Temptation is natural and although you shouldn't give in, it's important that you focus more on improving yourself for the future than worrying about the past. As a Christian, you should know that everyone sins, and it takes a conscious effort to overcome sin and to live a proper life. As long as you are working towards becoming better, it's okay if you stumble along the way. Just don't loose your way.

Besides, giving into temptation as an impulse and being accepting of sin are two different things. Some people make porn a part of their personality, and they are sinning 24/7. Other people are tempted in the moment but afterwards realize what they did is wrong and are normal people afterwards. As long as you aren't becoming the former you will be fine in the long run.



This is why I believe that the whole "femboy" meme is just a child grooming psyop >or whatever ::amerimutt::
When you fetishize effeminate boys you are naturally going after younger males because they don't have as much testosterone, and haven't gone through puberty. They are therefore smaller, less muscularly, and more effeminate. It's basically softcore pedophilia but also faggotry. I think all "femboy enjoyers" should be shot.

 

[Nihilma]

Here is my advice for someone who was almost groomed by furries and trannies as a kid.
Cooming sucks in general.
My best bet is that you should rewire your brain to coom less, and if you do coom, coom to more normal shit.
Stop watching femboy shit, stop looking at gay shit, and stop thinking about gay shit.
The first step is to just avoid any situation where you can coom. Spend more time outside, in public, and when you are at home, make sure to keep busy so you can't coom.
If you do find the urge to coom, try to distract yourself with video games, youtube, tictoc, whatever. Just stop thinking about it and eventually it will go away. That's how I avoided becoming a furry faggot.

If for some reason you feel the need to coom and you can't avoid it. Watch only "normal" straight porn. Either you will get bored and no longer want to coom, or you will rewire your brain to enjoy more "normal" porn.

Never watch any gay shit, and never look at any femboy shit either. Don't even think about it. If you normaly just coom to you thoughts and you can't control them for some reason, then look up "normal" porn to distract you (or ideally, just don't coom at all).

Most importantly, don't feel bad about the past. Temptation is natural and although you shouldn't give in, it's important that you focus more on improving yourself for the future than worrying about the past. As a Christian, you should know that everyone sins, and it takes a conscious effort to overcome sin and to live a proper life. As long as you are working towards becoming better, it's okay if you stumble along the way. Just don't loose your way.

Besides, giving into temptation as an impulse and being accepting of sin are two different things. Some people make porn a part of their personality, and they are sinning 24/7. Other people are tempted in the moment but afterwards realize what they did is wrong and are normal people afterwards. As long as you aren't becoming the former you will be fine in the long run.



This is why I believe that the whole "femboy" meme is just a child grooming psyop >or whatever ::amerimutt::
When you fetishize effeminate boys you are naturally going after younger males because they don't have as much testosterone, and haven't gone through puberty. They are therefore smaller, less muscularly, and more effeminate. It's basically softcore pedophilia but also faggotry. I think all "femboy enjoyers" should be shot.

fetishes are like drugs.
You start with a little, and then you crave for more and more, or for worse and worse, until you end with the most degenerate shit you can find.
End of the pipeline is always 'P

 

[Circle88]

I can't believe I've dug myself into this hole. To be clear: I have NOT had sex in any form with anyone (male or female) and that's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.

---

Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.

---

That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.

---

Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.

https://easypeasymethod.org/
Mandatory reading. That chink should be hanged and fried in a wok.
<REDDIT SPACING
Porn destroys your life like any other drug substance and you're getting NOTHING out of it return. It's also kiked >or however the mcbbc sandwich is made ::amerimutt::

 

[lifesucksthenyoudie]

https://easypeasymethod.org/
Mandatory reading. That chink should be hanged and fried in a wok.
<REDDIT SPACING
Porn destroys your life like any other drug substance and you're getting NOTHING out of it return. It's also kiked >or however the mcbbc sandwich is made ::amerimutt::

One of the few Gemmy things Kuz did was redirect /fap/ to that website, kind of wish the board would return just for that

 

[Nihilma]

Op is an existential crisis rn, he has forsaken this thread geg

 

[ArmaLite]

You should be fine.
You're still a teenager.
What's great about your case is that you know how you came to be this way, but if you know of an older trauma that might also have caused this or added onto this, try to put clear words on it.
Basically, everything you do is a reaction to something, usually a need, but it might also be a defense mechanism. And during the separation-individuation process of teenagehood, you are the most vulnerable since you are a "virgin" mind that needs to be molded into an adult. In a way this phase is in no way representative of what you are going to be, and you need to understand that you can bend your will to what you want to be as of right now still.

It will require a lot of will, and will be hard, but you can achieve this. I don't wanna go into details but I've been a similar case to you, even started at the same age. But I didn't wanted to be that, and I knew of why I became like that. So in short, try to fix the root problem, the reason why you became what you became. If it is affection you lack, try finding it in a better place. if it is fear of yourself or fear of your future or a lack of a protective figure, find another one. You get it.
And regarding gooning, that's just hard work, and constant trial, no matter how much and how hard you fail.

The thing with the foid is the only reason I plunged into the world of faggotry. Nothing else, thankfully.
But yeah, I'm thinking I might be able to mold my mind into a proper young man's. It'll take a lot of effort and honestly I don't know where to start apart from some advice I've received here. I hope things will work out. Thank you.

Here is my advice for someone who was almost groomed by furries and trannies as a kid.
Cooming sucks in general.
My best bet is that you should rewire your brain to coom less, and if you do coom, coom to more normal shit.
Stop watching femboy shit, stop looking at gay shit, and stop thinking about gay shit.
The first step is to just avoid any situation where you can coom. Spend more time outside, in public, and when you are at home, make sure to keep busy so you can't coom.
If you do find the urge to coom, try to distract yourself with video games, youtube, tictoc, whatever. Just stop thinking about it and eventually it will go away. That's how I avoided becoming a furry faggot.

If for some reason you feel the need to coom and you can't avoid it. Watch only "normal" straight porn. Either you will get bored and no longer want to coom, or you will rewire your brain to enjoy more "normal" porn.

Never watch any gay shit, and never look at any femboy shit either. Don't even think about it. If you normaly just coom to you thoughts and you can't control them for some reason, then look up "normal" porn to distract you (or ideally, just don't coom at all).

Most importantly, don't feel bad about the past. Temptation is natural and although you shouldn't give in, it's important that you focus more on improving yourself for the future than worrying about the past. As a Christian, you should know that everyone sins, and it takes a conscious effort to overcome sin and to live a proper life. As long as you are working towards becoming better, it's okay if you stumble along the way. Just don't loose your way.

Besides, giving into temptation as an impulse and being accepting of sin are two different things. Some people make porn a part of their personality, and they are sinning 24/7. Other people are tempted in the moment but afterwards realize what they did is wrong and are normal people afterwards. As long as you aren't becoming the former you will be fine in the long run.



This is why I believe that the whole "femboy" meme is just a child grooming psyop >or whatever ::amerimutt::
When you fetishize effeminate boys you are naturally going after younger males because they don't have as much testosterone, and haven't gone through puberty. They are therefore smaller, less muscularly, and more effeminate. It's basically softcore pedophilia but also faggotry. I think all "femboy enjoyers" should be shot.

As of right now I coom usually once a day, and like I said it's to my imagination. This does involve fag shit. I think you're correct about how I need things to distract myself. On the weekends I do nothing but switch between playing video games and staring at the ceiling. I just don't know what I'd distract myself with. I have actual useful interests, but what the hell is an autistic kid who doesn't even have a diploma supposed to do at the local airport? It sucks. Maybe a job will help but I don't know what to choose.
I do feel terrible about everything and I wish I could talk to people IRL about it but my parents would kick my ass out in a heartbeat if they found out. They will probably die before I admit anything.
The only reason I think I might be spared from an eternity in the depths of hell is because I didn't actually engage in sodomy like I said. But then I'd have to tell some people at a church about my heinous actions and I don't know how they'd handle that. Thank you for the advice, I'm just so worked up about this.

https://easypeasymethod.org/
Mandatory reading. That chink should be hanged and fried in a wok.
<REDDIT SPACING
Porn destroys your life like any other drug substance and you're getting NOTHING out of it return. It's also kiked >or however the mcbbc sandwich is made ::amerimutt::

I'll check that out. While I didn't really use porn, I still think my brain is rotting from thinking about sex all the time regardless. I still coom a lot too. Appreciate it.

---

Thank you all for the advice so far. Sometimes it's hard for me to sleep at night, haha.

 

[ArmaLite]

Op is an existential crisis rn, he has forsaken this thread geg

Partly that, yeah. I was also being drenched in the rain while waiting for the bus and I didn't want to get my phone wet. First world problems.

 

[Nihilma]

The thing with the foid is the only reason I plunged into the world of faggotry. Nothing else, thankfully.

What I was trying to say is :
Think of why. Why did you obey her ? What did it make you feel to do this ? Did it give you value ? Did you like being praised ? Getting attention ? Affection ? What did she represent to you, what internal need of yours did she fill in ?
Maybe there is none of these questions that is relevent, but if there is, it might help you understand why she had such an impact on you

 

[ArmaLite]

What I was trying to say is :
Think of why. Why did you obey her ? What did it make you feel to do this ? Did it give you value ? Did you like being praised ? Getting attention ? Affection ? What did she represent to you, what internal need of yours did she fill in ?
Maybe there is none of these questions that is relevent, but if there is, it might help you understand where the root cause within you lies.

I obeyed her because I felt inferior to her. I felt that she was more intelligent than me and would be infinitely more successful than me. I feel like that with pretty much everyone. Like I'm always at the bottom of the food chain. I always concede arguments when I experience even the slightest form of backlash because I know I'd get destroyed.

 

[Nihilma]

I obeyed her because I felt inferior to her. I felt that she was more intelligent than me and would be infinitely more successful than me. I feel like that with pretty much everyone. Like I'm always at the bottom of the food chain. I always concede arguments when I experience even the slightest form of backlash because I know I'd get destroyed.

Look doing a psychanalysis online is a very poor idea.
If you are able to do this introspection yourself, do it you can only gain more understanding of yourself from it.

However IF you feel the need to actually consult a pro and have the means to do it, go for it. It'll be a hundred times better.

But already what you just said is pretty interesting, and can already tell quite a bit about you.

 

[ArmaLite]

Look doing a psychanalysis online is a very poor idea.
If you are able to do this introspection yourself, do it you can only gain more understanding of yourself from it.

However IF you feel the need to actually consult a pro and have the means to do it, go for it. It'll be a hundred times better.

But already what you just said is pretty interesting, and can already tell quite a bit about you.

That's fair. Every heckin "therapist" I've been to before was an idiot, but then again my parents forced me to go and I didn't want to cooperate. I'll see what I can do.

 

[igreelsgocrazy]

idk turn off the computer

 

[Canadian]

On the weekends I do nothing but switch between playing video games and staring at the ceiling. I just don't know what I'd distract myself with. I have actual useful interests, but what the hell is an autistic kid who doesn't even have a diploma supposed to do at the local airport? It sucks. Maybe a job will help but I don't know what to choose.

Getting a job would definitely help. Also try to get invested in a hobby like making music, programing, drawing (although probably not that one because porn), painting, reading, history, singing, chess, poker, comics, magic, whatever. There is a lot of free shit out on the internet.
Just find something you can obsess over that isn't porn or related to porn.

And if you HAVE to coom, watch straight porn. Either it will turn you off and you won't coom, or it will make your thoughts less gay at the very least. Although not cooming at all is best.

The most important thing is DONT GIVE IN. Most faggots started out as normal but were groomed one day and then realized it would be easier to seek out acceptance from their fellow fags then to self improve. No matter how bad it gets, you haven't lost until you accept this path. Don't embrace your fetishes and don't ropemax either. You have to find the middle ground between acknowledging your flaws and recognizing your sins while also not giving in to self-hatred.

 

[Aristocrat]

I can't believe I've dug myself into this hole. To be clear: I have NOT had sex in any form with anyone (male or female) and that's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.

---

Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.

---

That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.

---

Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.

Stop jerking off, never look at porn again, talk to a normal girl and everything will be alright