You are a malicious architect (suggestion game)

GauntletThrown

GauntletThrown

part time boogeyman on /vp/
You are a chud who's had it with society and taken it upon himself to make the lives of as many people as possible miserable. However, one problem. You're not a crime boss, you're not a politician, you're not the CEO of some megacorporation, and you live in a first world country so you can't just grab a gun and become a warlord. What you DO have at your disposal is your job as a freelance architect, which means that you'll be able to make people suffer via obnoxious building designs.

However, the immensely bureaucratic Fun Police managing your design contracts will impose rules and limitations on you to prevent you from using your right to build stuff to its fullest potential. Namely;
  • You WILL NOT build obvious deathtraps (and you WILL follow le hecking building coderinos)
  • You WILL NOT repeat malicious design decisions because the Fun Police will keep notes of your shenanigans (be original)
  • You WILL NOT design things that would cost an unreasonable amount to build (no overengineering shit beyond reason)
  • You WILL make sure the building can fufill its intended function (or else your clients won't accept the design, period)

How does it work? I'll describe what type of building will need to be designed, and any factors worth considering, and you'll have to decide what you'll design to fufill the contract, and after a peer-reviewed consensus has been reached on what design to submit, I'll then respond with how the design turned out in practice, and then I'll post the the next contract. This will continue until either posting activity stops or things are taken too far and you get your architectural permits taken away.
 
Elevators are too unsafe in tall buildings, get rid of them.
You shouldn't be able to make elevators in building with more than 1 floor
 
oh uh I forgot to describe the first contract that needs to be chudded up

Your first contract is from an urban developer requiring an architect to design medium density apartment buildings for a city's residential district. The contract's requirements are for the buildings to have 6 apartments each, with each apartment being complete with a bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, and guest room. The rest of the design is up to you.
 
GauntletThrown said:
oh uh I forgot to describe the first contract that needs to be chudded up

Your first contract is from an urban developer requiring an architect to design medium density apartment buildings for a city's residential district. The contract's requirements are for the buildings to have 6 apartments each, with each apartment being complete with a bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, and guest room. The rest of the design is up to you.
Click to expand...
integrate the bed into the shower, so that you can shower without getting out of bed for increased hygiene efficiency
 
have each bedroom be adjacent to each other so all the neighbors can hear each other. have the bedroom be right next to the door to reduce privacy even more
the boiler on top of the toilet so when it eventually leaks it drips onto you when you take a shit
a vent from the kitchen the leads to the bathroom which has a smaller vent to the outside which sucks at being an exhaust vent
have it so the kitchen is u shaped meaning every time you wanna go to kitchen and grab a snack you have to turn 180 degrees
the guest room will have a balcony that doesn't even have a good view. all you would be seeing is other balconies
the hallway to the guest room will be L shaped to maximize misery
opening the door to the guest room will hit the fuse box causing a loud metallic bang
the lights in the bedroom will be off and asymmetrical so people with ocd sleeping suffer
the stairs leading to the ground floor goes straight to the area where you throw trash so every time you go outside you smell an awful stentch

on the bright side it's in a good location so suckers will line up to get a lease
 
SmallAnus said:
have each bedroom be adjacent to each other so all the neighbors can hear each other. have the bedroom be right next to the door to reduce privacy even more
the boiler on top of the toilet so when it eventually leaks it drips onto you when you take a shit
a vent from the kitchen the leads to the bathroom which has a smaller vent to the outside which sucks at being an exhaust vent
have it so the kitchen is u shaped meaning every time you wanna go to kitchen and grab a snack you have to turn 180 degrees
the guest room will have a balcony that doesn't even have a good view. all you would be seeing is other balconies
the hallway to the guest room will be L shaped to maximize misery
opening the door to the guest room will hit the fuse box causing a loud metallic bang
the lights in the bedroom will be off and asymmetrical so people with ocd sleeping suffer
the stairs leading to the ground floor goes straight to the area where you throw trash so every time you go outside you smell an awful stentch

on the bright side it's in a good location so suckers will line up to get a lease
Click to expand...
on topic diamond
 
I will create a building complexes outside city centers and fill it with migrants to create criminogenic atmosphere, the opening is facing north to facilitate mold growth and reduce sunlight for everyone, the only exits in and out of the building are in most inconvenient to access places so that majority of residents need to move along corrdiors to exits go outside the building; the parking spots and garage cooperative(placed in the middle where playgrounds/parks should have been) are perfect spot to create criminal activity such as druggies druggying and shanking/mugging (cars forced to go around whole block to get inside so that they have a chance to run children over); no elevators at all, to create mugging spaces for migrants(staircases are enviromentally friendly); Buss stop so that local gangs can travel to your city center with ease;
And yes it's not comically evil, this shit literally happened before in many european cities (its them they did it)

geeeg.png
 
I would craft the building HVAC parameters to the location, sunlight exposure, climate, etc so that AC units would often idle in range of activity where they tend to generate 19 khz infrasonic pressure waves, resonating with resident eyeballs and priming them to hallucinate.
 
SmallAnus said:
have each bedroom be adjacent to each other so all the neighbors can hear each other. have the bedroom be right next to the door to reduce privacy even more
the boiler on top of the toilet so when it eventually leaks it drips onto you when you take a shit
a vent from the kitchen the leads to the bathroom which has a smaller vent to the outside which sucks at being an exhaust vent
have it so the kitchen is u shaped meaning every time you wanna go to kitchen and grab a snack you have to turn 180 degrees
the guest room will have a balcony that doesn't even have a good view. all you would be seeing is other balconies
the hallway to the guest room will be L shaped to maximize misery
opening the door to the guest room will hit the fuse box causing a loud metallic bang
the lights in the bedroom will be off and asymmetrical so people with ocd sleeping suffer
the stairs leading to the ground floor goes straight to the area where you throw trash so every time you go outside you smell an awful stentch

on the bright side it's in a good location so suckers will line up to get a lease
Click to expand...
This is the funniest post on the website
 
Disabled Male said:
I would craft the building HVAC parameters to the location, sunlight exposure, climate, etc so that AC units would often idle in range of activity where they tend to generate 19 khz infrasonic pressure waves, resonating with resident eyeballs and priming them to hallucinate.
Click to expand...
pretty sure infrasonic is hertz not kilahertz if anyone wants to do this
 
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