NT
Decommissioned
the specific medication is concerta, and it's used for "ADHD". i tried slowly weaning off of it for a week and then stopping entirely, and throughout that time i kept telling myself i was feeling fine. in reality i was miserable and acting like a fucking retarded ape; i was talking to myself, saying words over and over, giggling for no reason, and i felt restless to the point where i couldnt even play video games for more than 10 minutes without getting bored.
on a whim i took a pill today and felt much better. i'm actually able to speak coherent sentences now, my reasoning skills aren't impaired, i don't feel agitated and restless, blah blah blah. it feels like my IQ has gone up by 10 points to be honest.
but the problem is that i'm well-aware that ADHD medicine is really bad for my health (especially my heart) and i don't want to be dependent on it for the rest of my life. it doesn't make me "high", just fucking normal for once. as an autistic analogy my baseline is like driving a car with a flashing check engine light; it technically functions but not well at all and it's in a volatile state.
another problem is that despite all of this i still subconsciously want to just rely on the meds for everything without doing my part. i'm an idiot for assuming it was a miracle pill.
please just tell me what i need to do. i hate being reliant on intense drugs to function. i really did try to get off of them, i followed the process to the best of my ability and still felt miserable for a whole week and a half. do i need to wait longer? if so, how do i power through the initial stage?
on a whim i took a pill today and felt much better. i'm actually able to speak coherent sentences now, my reasoning skills aren't impaired, i don't feel agitated and restless, blah blah blah. it feels like my IQ has gone up by 10 points to be honest.
but the problem is that i'm well-aware that ADHD medicine is really bad for my health (especially my heart) and i don't want to be dependent on it for the rest of my life. it doesn't make me "high", just fucking normal for once. as an autistic analogy my baseline is like driving a car with a flashing check engine light; it technically functions but not well at all and it's in a volatile state.
another problem is that despite all of this i still subconsciously want to just rely on the meds for everything without doing my part. i'm an idiot for assuming it was a miracle pill.
please just tell me what i need to do. i hate being reliant on intense drugs to function. i really did try to get off of them, i followed the process to the best of my ability and still felt miserable for a whole week and a half. do i need to wait longer? if so, how do i power through the initial stage?
