Shit No One Cares About My Diary.

DonutHole

DonutHole

Grand Sage of Pork [#107C10] LOVER
Sometimes I wonder if my mom is BRAIN DEAD. Then there are days when I know she is.

Like today.

The drama started this morning when I casually asked if she would buy me one of those cool new iPhones that do almost everything. I considered it a necessity of life, second only to maybe oxygen.

What better way to clinch a spot in the CCP (Cute, Cool & Popular) group at my new private school, Westchester Country Day, than by dazzling them with a wicked new cell.

Last year, it seemed like I was the ONLY student in my ENTIRE middle school who didn’t have one ®. So I bought an older, used phone supercheap on eBay.

It was bigger than what I wanted, but I figured I couldn’t go wrong for the clearance price of only $12.99.

I put my telephone in my locker and spread the word that everyone could now call me with all the JUICY gossip on my NEW telephone! Then I counted down the minutes before my social life started heating up.

I got really nervous when two of the CCP girls came walking down the hall in my direction chatting on their cell phones

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They came right over to my locker and started acting superfriendly. Then they invited me to sit with them at lunch and I was like, “Umm...okay.” But deep down inside I was jumping up and down and doing my Snoopy “happy dance.”

Then things got really strange. They said they had heard about my new $600 Juicy Couture designer cell phone and that everyone (meaning the rest of the CCP crew) couldn’t wait to see it.

I was about to explain that I had said “juicy gossip on my new phone” NOT “new gossip on my Juicy phone,” but I never got a chance because, unfortunately, my telephone starting ringing. Very abnormally loudly. I was trying my best to ignore it, but both of the CCP girls were staring at me like, “Well, aren’t you going to answer it?!”

Obviously, I didn’t want to answer it because I had a really bad feeling they were going to be a little disappointed when they actually saw my phone.
 
So I just stood there praying that it would stop ringing, but it didn’t. And pretty soon, everyone in the hallway was staring at me too.

Finally, I gave in, snatched open my locker, and answered the phone. Mainly to stop that AWFUL ringing.

I was like, “Hello? Umm...sorry. Wrong number.”

And when I turned around, both of the CCP girls were running down the hall screaming, “Make it go away! Make it go away!” I guessed it probably meant they DIDN’T want me to sit with them at lunch anymore, which really sucked.

The most important lesson I learned last year was that having a CRUDDY phone —or NONE at all—can totally RUIN your social life. While hordes of celebrity party girls regularly FORGET to wear undies, not a single one would be caught dead without her cell phone. Which was why I was nagging my mom about buying me an iPhone.
 
I’ve tried saving up my own money to buy one, but it was impossible to do. Mainly because I’m an artist and TOTALLY ADDICTED to drawing!

Like, if I don’t do it every day, I’ll go NUTZ!

I spend ALL of my cash on sketchbooks, pencils, pens, art camp, and other stuff.

Hey, I’m so BROKE, I have a milkshake on layaway at McDonald’s!

Anyway, when mom came home from the mall with a special back-to-school present for me, I was pretty sure I knew what it was.

She rambled on and on about how my attending a new private school was going to be a “stressful time of tremendous personal growth” and how my best “coping mechanism” would be to “communicate” my “thoughts and feelings.”

I was absolutely ECSTATIC because you can communicate with a NEW CELL PHONE! Right?! ©

I kind of zoned out on most of what my mom was saying because I was DAYDREAMING about all of the cool ring tones, music, and movies I was going to download. It was going to be LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!

But after my mom finally finished her little speech, she smiled really big, hugged me, and handed me a BOOK.

I opened it and FRANTICALLY flipped through the pages, figuring that maybe she had hidden my new cell phone inside.
 
It made perfect sense at the time because all the advertisements said it was the thinnest model on the market.

But slowly it dawned on me that my mom had NOT gotten me a cell phone, and my so-called present was just a stupid little book! :(

Talk about major HEARTBREAK! Then I noticed that ALL the pages of the book were BLANK. I was like, OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T!

My mom had given me two things: a DIARY and irrefutable evidence she IS, in fact, CLINICALLY BRAIN DEAD!!

Absolutely no one writes their most intimate feelings and deep, dark secrets in a diary anymore! WHY?!

Because just one or two people knowing all your BIZ could completely ruin your reputation.

You’re supposed to post this kind of juicy stuff online in your BLOG so MILLIONS can read it!!!

Only a TOTAL DORK would be caught WRITING in a DIARY!!

This is THE worst present I have ever received in my entire life! I wanted to yell

at the top of my lungs: “Mom, I don’t need a STUPID book with 288 BLANK pages!!”

What I NEED is to be able to “communicate” my “thoughts and feelings” to my friends using my very own cell phone.

Wait! Silly me. I keep forgetting. I don’t have any friends. YET. But that could change overnight, and I need to be prepared. With a shiny, new cell!
 
Okay. I know I said I’d never write in this diary again. I meant it at the time. I’m definitely not the kind of girl who curls up with a diary and a box of Godiva chocolates to write a bunch of really sappy stuff about my dreamy boyfriend, my first kiss, or my overwhelming ANGST about the HORRIFIC discovery that I’m a PRINCESS of a small French-speaking principality and now worth MILLIONS.

MY LIFE TOTALLY SUCKS!! All day I wandered around my new school like a zombie in lip gloss. Not a single person bothered to say hi. MOST OF THE TIME I FEEL INVISIBLE! How am I supposed to fit in at a snobby prep school like Westchester Country Day?! This place has a Starbucks in the cafeteria! I wish my dad had NEVER been awarded a bug extermination contract from this school. They can take their little pity scholarship and give it to someone who wants and needs it, because I sure DON’T!
 
DonutHole said:
Sometimes I wonder if my mom is BRAIN DEAD. Then there are days when I know she is.

Like today.

The drama started this morning when I casually asked if she would buy me one of those cool new iPhones that do almost everything. I considered it a necessity of life, second only to maybe oxygen.

What better way to clinch a spot in the CCP (Cute, Cool & Popular) group at my new private school, Westchester Country Day, than by dazzling them with a wicked new cell.

Last year, it seemed like I was the ONLY student in my ENTIRE middle school who didn’t have one ®. So I bought an older, used phone supercheap on eBay.

It was bigger than what I wanted, but I figured I couldn’t go wrong for the clearance price of only $12.99.

I put my telephone in my locker and spread the word that everyone could now call me with all the JUICY gossip on my NEW telephone! Then I counted down the minutes before my social life started heating up.

I got really nervous when two of the CCP girls came walking down the hall in my direction chatting on their cell phones

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