You will never be a real Jew. You have no yarmulke, you have no Jewish mother, you have had no bar mitzva. You are a Machiavellian goy twisted by shekels and power into a crude mockery of G-d's perfection.
All the "validation" you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your "friends" laugh at your ghoulish pronunciation of Hebrew behind closed doors.
Jews are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of persecution have allowed Jews to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even goyim who "pass" look uncanny and unnatural to a Jew. Your short nose is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get into a yeshiva, you'll be thrown out the second a rabbi gets a whiff of your smegma-encrusted foreskin.
You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it's going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it'll be too much to bear - you'll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They'll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth race, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a goy is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably Gentile.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.