Unremarkable Chud
Nusoiglubba
I feel like I'm completely aimless in life and have no drive, despite not being a neet, every day blends into the last and I feel like I'm wasting my potential. The problem is I don't even know what potential I have.
I coasted by in school, always getting top grades without studying because of how easy everything was back then. I'm in university now and have a profound mental block to studying, because I never needed to do it before. My grades are suffering for it.
I've tried writing but I'm too incompetent and afraid to try and develop my own style, so everything I write feels like a bad rip off of some better author. Its gotten to the point where I can't write more than a few paragraphs, if that, before deleting everything.
Besides that, whenever I try to effortpost I want to make my points clear and concise but everything I write ends up being too long, because its rambling, and too short, because I always miss some critical point.
I refuse to trust others, and refuse to let my guard down around anyone out of a paranoid belief that they will abuse my trust to hurt me in the future. At home and at uni I'm friendly with plenty of people, but I don't have any real friends.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can't meaning in anything, neither in my relationships with other, because I'm too paranoid to develop anything meaningful, nor in what I do, because I'm either unmotivated (studies) or too self-critical (hobbies). I don't know how to change this.
I want to find some sort of truth about myself by writing this, figure out what I'm missing, what makes me lack drive. I just don't know if I ever will.
I coasted by in school, always getting top grades without studying because of how easy everything was back then. I'm in university now and have a profound mental block to studying, because I never needed to do it before. My grades are suffering for it.
I've tried writing but I'm too incompetent and afraid to try and develop my own style, so everything I write feels like a bad rip off of some better author. Its gotten to the point where I can't write more than a few paragraphs, if that, before deleting everything.
Besides that, whenever I try to effortpost I want to make my points clear and concise but everything I write ends up being too long, because its rambling, and too short, because I always miss some critical point.
I refuse to trust others, and refuse to let my guard down around anyone out of a paranoid belief that they will abuse my trust to hurt me in the future. At home and at uni I'm friendly with plenty of people, but I don't have any real friends.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can't meaning in anything, neither in my relationships with other, because I'm too paranoid to develop anything meaningful, nor in what I do, because I'm either unmotivated (studies) or too self-critical (hobbies). I don't know how to change this.
I want to find some sort of truth about myself by writing this, figure out what I'm missing, what makes me lack drive. I just don't know if I ever will.
