Soy A YOUNG SOYTEEN STANDS IN HER BEDROOM

Soyteen Liker

Soyteen Liker

it's just getting started
It just so happens that today, the 10th of March, is this young blog's birthday. Though it was only about a week ago she was given a forum account, it is only today she will be given a blog!
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Day 1
3/10/24
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Today I woke up with a throbbing headache, most likely due to excess lactose consumption the day prior. Yesterday I had given my good friend advice for his first full-length video about an anime I've never watched. And the day before that I got a DM from a mutual friend of my failed forever friend having a meltdown because his failed forever friend stopped logging on the 'cord without explanation even doe she still logs onto Kiwifarms.

He still has me blocked. The last thing he directly said on the matter was that I was too erratic and clingy. I guess that makes sense, I did break a plate during a meltdown and posted my bloody hand in the chat. I just think he's swell though for reasons that are hard to elaborate on sometimes. I guess he might remind me on some level of the only close irl friend I've ever had who was my cousin.

They're both linear-systematically minded neurotic autists that somehow never got officially diagnosed. Anyway I took a few videos of my dogs brawling, apparently the puppy is 6 months old now and still shits in the tub when my mom washes her. Not only that, she doesn't dry herself by shaking. Mom says the puppy is autistic as a joke.

Speaking of autism, tomorrow I will go to a weekly group for one (well it's technically for other disabilities too but autism is the most common). We often do arts and crafts stuff but I don't like arts and crafts. I used to go to their monthly party events and play smash bros ultimate with them with Kirby as my main. I actually won a decent amount of times. I would still go but my mom said it started to cost too much and thus I stopped going.

She won't let me use a computer or laptop due to said meltdown and claims she returned the laptop I got from college back. I wanted to make a simple text-based game in Python that I'd call "Psychological Torture Simulator" where one can kidnap victims and have them be trafficked, become serial killers, become assassins, et.c. As I'm writing this, I realized another fun little game I could make could be "Soyjak.blog simulator"

I got to go now, mom wants me to shower so she can get me a burger.

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Day 2
3/11/24
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Today I woke up at 2pm because of staying up til 1am yesterday and general sleepiness caused by medication. My mom said my college sent me a letter about an excess fee, hopefully not for a second semester because I never officially resigned, just stopped going.

Some hours later I went to the autism group and we made spinners. There was a new girl that kept crossing her eyes and moving her fingers around. She didn't really make a coherent design for her spinner, just random colors.

After we finished making spinners, we played a game called Blank Slate where we had to come up with similar answers to the beginning or end of a word. Think chocolate ________, the blank part would be something like cake. I ended up losing because they both said good day instead of goodwill even doe that makes more sense.

The last thing we did was Pictionary and people drew things like the sun, a computer, and some other stuff I don't remember. I was thinking of drawing Pomni from TADC but I wasn't sure if her design was distinctive and easy enough to draw, so I went with Caine. People asked me if he was from a circus but couldn't put the name to the character until I played the theme song.

My parents picked me up and asked me what I wanted to eat. I said pizza and now we're waiting. Tomorrow we will get my disability income papers and then go to the college again to verify the fee. And on Friday I will see my psychiatrist for the first time since my birthday. Last time I asked for a pill called Naltrexone for emotional dissociation but she wanted to investigate it first as she had never heard of it being used for that. My mom also wanted to ask her if it'd be a good idea for me to be a blood donor. I think it would be nice to help people and also find out my blood type. Apparently there's a conspiracy about rhesus negative bloodtypes being more likely to be targeted or something.
 
Entry #3
3/15/24
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Today I went to the psychiatrist and got two pills for psychomotor agitation called Guanfacine and Valium. I specifically asked for the Naltrexone and the psychiatrist asked me why and I said "I want to feel my emotions again" and she was like "But you clearly do." Fucking hopeless and my mom doesn't want to take me to any other psychiatrist.

I'm still kinda mad and despondent. I asked a mutual with my failed forever friend (FFF) if he could at least unblock my fucking email. Unfortunately it's late and he was offline.
 
Yesterday I was thinking of updating my blog again but I don't remember why I didn't. When my mom got home from work I told her to give tea and sweet potatoes to the dogs so that the fireworks wouldn't scare them. In the meanwhile I did a group call with my friends and streamed a mobile game until I heard fireworks so I checked on the dogs and the big one was terrified and trembling but the puppy was just fine.

Eventually the big dog threw up so much that my mom thought both of them did. Apologies if it's hard to keep track of, I'm somewhat paranoid that the names or pictures of the dogs will get me heckin doxxed. Anyway, the dog wanted to jump on the couch with me but my dad wouldn't let her because he didn't want her to scratch the couch. Mom eventually convinced him to let the dog sleep under her bed. We had to let the dog back to the living room because the puppy was crying for her. I kept hugging her because I felt kind of sad for her but my dad thought it was funny that she was more scared than the puppy.

Eventually I went to sleep and had to see my psychiatrist today. She noted I was less agitated that time but still kind of jittery so she gave me more haldol. My mom started talking about politics again and I forgot why. I got heckin peanut butter m&ms from the vending machine but it got stuck at first. It reminded of that little fact that gets shared sometimes about vending machines killing more people anually than sharks. Not today, death.

I got a weird mental thing later on where I wanted to write but felt something pushing back against it so I just succumbed and didn't write anything. It feels like this force scrambles my thoughts sometimes too, like I know I'm thinking but it's like, sub-audible. Eventually I went to the autism/disability group and we played Trivia Murder Party, and Quiplash 2. The other people there seemed kind of unenthusiastic and wanted to do other things so we played a "lolsorandom" card game called "Exploding Kittens" with 2013 ass "the magic enchilada gives you foresight into the future" millennial ""humor.""

When I got home I group called my friends again but I can't really remember anything distinct happening. At least my dogs feel better.

Oh and I played jackbox with you guys too. [wholesome]
 
I stayed up awake for 34 hours in a row because my mom lowered my Lithium meds because I take a lot of NSAIDs for my headacheirinos and mixing those does damage to my liver o algo. Would have stayed up 36 hours as a personal ""achievement"" + I wanted to see if I would experience something different but my eyes were itchy and painful.

I made a 'jak out of someone I saw in a meme about having it be funny to have him be on weed packaging. I have no idea what "weed packaging" entails or how he's relevant but he looked soy so I thought it'd be funny. It still hasn't been uploaded to the 'booru yet, maybe I fucked something up because I never got into booru sites because why would I? I usually knew them as sites for drawn pornography and if it's for fanart I usually just go on fucking Reddit or sometimes tumblr. Speaking of tumblr and this blog in general, it hit me while sleeping that WNT/ArmaLite has his hair styled exactly like Mituna from Homestuck geg.

I didn't want to ping him because I got nervous he'd find it creepy o algo. I wonder if he'd find out himself, it reminds me of my 'cord friend who admitted that the first thing she did when joining a new server was to do a search for her username. I do something similar where the first thing I do is search for my friends's name(s)... and then mine.

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WNT irl geeeg.jpg
 
Today I woke up after sleeping for 14-15 hours. Apparently my mom thought I was fine so she didn't take me to see the Soyberg. Eventually I took a shower and asked my dad to buy me chicken nuggets with extra fries.
::mutt::

The autism group was today because the last one had scheduling conflicts due to the other girls starting school. We did a stupid icebreaker about our names and how we liked our eggs. Too SNCA for me so I didn't answer. (I don't like eggs.) Then we did an egg drop challenge and 4/5 teams won including mine. There were lots of airplanes flying around us which made me giggle thinking of WNT and his flight simulators. I wish I had the type of autism that had me like that kinda stuff but noooo my special interest had to be generic fembraimed psychology.

When we had break time we played Smash Bros Ultimate and I won the last match with yellow Kirby. I always picked xer since I was little because xir floating ability helped me not fucking die instantly every game, plus his down special attack was pretty powerful. To this day I still don't know what he says with xir recovery, I always heard "SHOPPING!" which makes no sense but is geggy.

Anyway @Stephen, why did u react to my last entry with doctos?
 
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