soyjak.blog

this game sucks it started out great but as soon as you get the elephant dance the game starts getting frustrating and shit
all because of the stupid coffee fetch quest when you get the elephant dance and leave the room these two zombie faggots who are the zombie whore's brothers tell you that they will help you get to the next area if you make them a cup of coffee because they are teh le random like that

they tell you that you need to get a coffee machine and some coffee beans and the fucking retard autistic one asks you to get a rotten egg aswell, you find that shit in the forest which is fine because youre already in the forest you go get the machine then the beans and during this whole thing you keep asking yourself if you actually need to get a rotten egg or was it just the writers being cute

you give up and assume that it was a joke so you go to their sister because you assume that theyre with her you go all the way to her house she tells you that theyre in the boat house as if you know where the fucking boat house is you go to the two ocean themed levels which are in opposite directions and you find out that you cant finish one of them yet because you dont a monkey dash

so you go ask your bitch "friend" who keeps complaining about you where it is she tells that its in the desert which across the map from the place you were just in so you go to the desert like a good little girl looking for rocks so you can dance like a whore and turn into an elephant, smash the rock, turn back to being human, go in the cave, do the whole fucking cave and find out the stupid dash isnt in it

repeat that 8 times and find a cave with roots blocking the path, youve never seen that shit before so you ignore it and go back to fucking around in the dessert, then eventually when your pussy lips are so chapped you can break it off, you look up where the monkey dash is and you fucking find out that the fire you didnt know that you had can burn off roots

cool, so you have to find that stupid cave again and get the fucking dash, go from the far left of the map to the far right of the map while on the way you get raped by scare crows and mermaids, do the stupid monkey dash so you can get in the boat house and get these two retards the coffee so they can complain about it being cold

by the way this thing is if you already knew where to go and youre not like me and skip the hilarious dialogue then get stuck
atleast the next area was ok i liked the eye puzzles, but the game just gets boring after that, you get the mermaid dance that lets swim which should be exiting but no theres only 2 areas in the game with water and you already have to go there for a fetch quest

the late game shit is boring i wont even talk about the last boss. i would give this game a 6/10 but because of the feature where the girl you play as comes out of your screen and starts jerking you off with her hair it gets a 6.5/10. i heard that pirates curse improves a lot from riskys revenge so idk maybe ill play that one too just to see

wtf

uhhhh i mean stupid game for stupid people